“TO PRESSURE ME TO BACK OFF ON THE BUDGET CUTS,  THE WHITE HOUSE PUT ME UNDER THE HOT LIGHTS, BUT WHAT THEY DIDN’T KNOW IS  … THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I LIKE.”

“WE’RE GONNA’ PROVIDE PLANNED PARENTHOOD WITH EXTRA FUNDS TO DEVELOP A GIANT CONDOM TO PLACE OVER THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES … AND IF THAT DOESN’T WORK, THE EPA WILL HAVE THE POWER TO REGULATE RED-HOUSE GASES.”

“LET US BE CLEAR: WE BELIEVE IN THE CAPITALIST SYSTEM OF ‘BARTERING,’ NOT THE SOCIALISTIC POLICIES OF HERBERT HOOVER’S  ‘A CHICKEN IN EVERY POT‘.”

“HE’S GOT THE LIGHT SKIN, ALRIGHT, BUT I’M NOT SURE NEW YORKERS WILL TAKE TO THAT  HEAVY BROOKLYN DIALECT HE RECENTLY AFFECTED.”

“AYY, FUGGEDABOUTIT — I’M GONNA’ KICK GILLIBRAND’S ASS ALL OVER TOITY TOID AND TOID.”

“HELL, I DON’T KNOW WHAT ALL THE FUSS IS ABOUT.  I’M PERSONALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR AT LEAST ONE LIGHT-SKINNED COLORED GIRL.”

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BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin gives his read, with: Journalistic Malfeasance, Harry Reid and The Negro: It’s All Entertainment.

“I’D HAVE TO SAY ‘OLE HARRY MAY HAVE A POINT.  MAYBE OUR SIDE WOULD BE A LOT BETTER OFF IF WE HAD VOTED IN THE ‘LIGHT-SKINNED’ OBAMA AS HEAD OF THE RNC, INSTEAD OF A GUY WHO BELONGS ON THE ‘DARK SIDE’ OF THE MOON.”

“HE’S OBVIOUSLY TOO DARK-SKINNED, AND LACKS THE PROPER SOUTHERN DIALECT, TO EVER GET THE GOP NOMINATION FOR PRESIDENT.”

“ALTHOUGH WE’RE DROPPING THE MEDICARE BUY-IN AND PUBLIC OPTION, AT JOE LIEBERMAN’S REQUEST THE NATION’S CAPITOL WILL BE MOVED TO HARTFORD, COLONOSCOPIES WILL BE RE-NAMED ‘NED LAMONTSCOPIES,’ AND THE  HEALTH CARE PLAN FOR SENATORS WILL BE EXPANDED TO COVER ‘TAR AND FEATHERING’.”

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Tiger Woods with an ‘expansion’ marketing strategy, at All Hat No Cattle.

Dan Kurtzman’s Political Cartoons of the Week.

“AND JUST TO TRY TO GET SENATORS LIEBERMAN, NELSON AND LINCOLN ON BOARD, WE CHERRY-PICKED THIS GUY ‘FRED’ PRECISELY BECAUSE HE NEVER EVEN GOES OUT IN PUBLIC.”

“WE’RE PREPARED TO ERECT LEVEES AROUND SENATOR LANDRIEU TO PROTECT HER FROM RIGHT-WING ATTACKS, AND TO ACTUALLY MAKE A GENDER CHANGE TO THE LINCOLN MEMORIAL TO PLACATE THE SENATOR FROM ARKANSAS.”

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BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin on the “Greatest” healthcare system’s need to “erect”  more nurses.