“SHE SAID IT WOULD GIVE ME A BIT MORE CACHET IN ANY FUTURE ELECTIONS, AND ALSO DEPRIVE KARZAI OF THE CHARGE THAT THEY’RE COUNTING MY VOTES TWICE.”

“I’M NOT REALLY SURE WHAT THEY MEANT, BUT GLENN BECK AND SARAH PALIN CALLED, SAYING THEY LIKED THIS DOUG HOFFMAN GUY, BUT THEY REALLY WANTED SOMEONE WITH ROOTS BACK TO THE 13th CENTURY.”

“HAVE THINGS REACHED A POINT WHERE A MAN CAN’T EVEN SIT DOWN IN THE BAZAAR WITH ELAINE BENES, AND ENJOY A SHMEAR OF LOW-FAT CREAM CHEESE ON A POPPY SEED BAGEL.”

“IN MY COUNTRY, EVEN THE TALIBAN ALLOWS WOMEN TO BE SEEN AND HEARD MORE THAN YOU.”