In his most ambitious effort yet to pull back the curtain on establishment ‘sacred cows,’ WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange has now gone after God, by dumping more than 250,000 ‘ethereal messages’ from the Almighty, which has cast the Lord in a somewhat less than holy light.
Burning a hole in religious dogma worthy of the Sun, God’s private messages contain his shocking admission that he did not actually create the World — let alone in the storied six days of Genesis. Other documents establish that God is not only not the Master of the Universe, but that he can not even claim to be the Master of His Own Domain.
Other stunning revelations include God’s use of angels to spy on everybody, all the time — collecting such personal information as credit card numbers and bank account and email passwords — which provides a more mundane explanation for the Holy Spirit’s reputation as “all-knowing and all-seeing.”
The heavenly document dump also reveals that while God publicly proclaims that he is on board with the War Against the Devil, God has been secretly supplying Satan with fire and pitchforks.
Other scandalous material shows that God is not only estranged from his own son, Jesus, but has sought to escape the pain of such family dysfunction by smoking dope with Afghan President Hamid Karzai.
But while the religiously observant have been largely mortified by these disclosures, some have taken solace from perhaps God’s most surprising revelation: that even Mohammed wants to bomb Iran.
