“I GUESS MY ONLY OPTION NOW IS TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES … ON THE GOP TICKET, SINCE THEY WON’T EVEN CHECK YOUR BIRTH CERTIFICATE AS LONG AS YOU PRACTICE THEIR PARTICULAR BRAND OF VOODOO.”

Story here.

Accused ... Missionary Group Leader Laura Silsby

“TRUE, HE’S NOW ALMOST 60 YEARS OLD, BUT HE IS A DESIRABLE ORPHAN, SINCE HE KNOWS HOW TO HELP HIMSELF … TO EVERYTHING.”

“WHAT COULD BE MORE THREATENING TO A RED-BLOODED AMERICAN THAN A BLACK MAN, WHO SPEAKS FRENCH, AND UNLIKE THOSE PANSY LIBERALS, REALLY KNOWS HOW TO TAKE A POUND OF FLESH.”