“SINCE EVEN OUR REGRESSIVE POLICIES CAN’T LITERALLY BRING US BACK IN TIME, THE BEST WE CAN DO IS FOLLOW RICK PERRY’S LEAD AND START ANOTHER SECESSION.”

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Funny or Die’s Presidential Reunion, at One Good Move.

Mitt vs. The Talking Hand, at All Hat No Cattle.

“IT’S REALLY A SLIPPERY SLOPE. ONCE YOU GO BEYOND THE TRADITIONAL 8 ˝ x 11 BOND PAPER, IT’S CLEAR A BILL HAS TRANSGRESSED THE BOUNDARY INTO SOCIALISM.”

“TRUE, OVER 40,000 PEOPLE DIE EVERY YEAR FROM LACK OF HEALTH INSURANCE.  BUT HAVING SAID THAT, WE SIMPLY DON’T GIVE A SHIT.”

“WE INTERRUPT THIS DEBATE IN ORDER TO ADMINISTER LIFE-SAVING CPR TO OUR VIEWERS.”

“IF THE HEALTH PLAN OF THE DEMOCRAT PARTY PASSES, THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT WILL THEN BECOME BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR BLOODLETTING LEECHES.”