10.  Conjugal visits by 72 virgins would severely strain resources of U.S. Marshall’s Service.

9. Federal Civil Rights laws bar anal plunging.

8. NY License Plates would suddenly read ‘JIHADMAN.’

7. Thufferin’ Thuccotash! Terrorists would have better speech therapy than Rudy.

6. 9/11 plotters would be less estranged from their families than Rudy.

5. Afraid they’ll get more media exposure than Rudy through MSNBC’s Al Qaeda Lockup.

4. Terrorists may let Bernard Kerik use their cells for secret prison trysts.

3.  Defendants could get representation by Rudy’s ‘Cousin Vinny’.”

2. Successful prosecutions would overshadow Rudy’s own 100% conviction rate against squeegee men.

1.  Since gas chamber has been abolished, Rudy would look silly witnessing executions wearing his gas mask.

———————————————————————————————-

Norm Jenson with Jon Stewart’s rip of Rudy.

“I DON’T CARE IF THE OBAMA JUSTICE DEPARTMENT SEEKS THE DEATH PENALTY, THEY SIMPLY DON’T HAVE THE POWER TO PUT KSM ON DOUBLE SECRET PROBATION.”

“UNLIKE THE NORMAL SITUATION,  THE U.S. MARSHALLS WILL ACTUALLY LET THE TERRORISTS HIT THEIR HEADS GETTING IN AND OUT OF THE CAR.”

 

“HILLARY, I DID NOT HAVE ‘INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS’ WITH THOSE WOMEN.¬† BUT EVEN IF I DID, AFTER¬†I WAS ELECTED I’D BE A DAMN FOOL NOT TO SEEK YOUR ADVICE ON¬†THAT AS WELL.”

[The Background here.] 

Be sure to check out Dan Kurtzman’s¬†25 Dumbest Quotes of 2007, and related satirical “Year in Review” posts.