The Satirical Political Report

"The Best Political REAM
on the Internet."



May 23rd, 2013

Proof That IRS Was Merely Incompetent: Approved Tea Party Group for 501 Jeans

“HEY BILL, DO YA’ THINK THESE CLOWNS SHOULD JUST GET A BUTTON-FLY? I’M NOT SURE THEY’RE CAPABLE OF KEEPING THEIR PECKERS OUT OF HARM’S WAY OF A ZIPPER?”

levi's 501 jeans

May 1st, 2013

On Jason Collins, Gay Bashers Trot Out Despicable Bestiality Argument

Pat Robertson

Pat Robertson

“ONCE YOU ALLOW GAY ATHLETES INTO THE LOCKER ROOM, HOW DO YOU JUSTIFY KEEPING ANIMALS OUT OF THE KENTUCKY DERBY?”

April 29th, 2013

GOP Modifies Opposition to Gay Marriage, Makes Exception for 7 Foot Black Men

john boehner and mitch mcconnell

“IF THERE ONE THING WE HOLD EVEN MORE SACRED THAN TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE, IT’S THE TRADITION OF SELF-PRESERVATION, AND NOT GETTING SLAM DUNKED!”

 

NBA's Jason Collins comes out as gayJason Collins

April 28th, 2013

Barbara Bush Disses The ‘Four Families,’ in Favor of The ‘Five Families’

Barbara Bush

“ENOUGH WITH MY WIMPY HUSBAND AND SONS; WE NEED SOMEONE WHO WILL MAKE THE COUNTRY AN OFFER THEY CAN’T REFUSE.”

The Godfather- The Five Families

April 23rd, 2013

Forget Chechens, Rand Paul Seeks to Deport ‘Czech Brothers’

 

Rand Paul

“AFTER THE BOSTON MARATHON BOMBING, WE REALLY HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO DEPORT THESE TWO WILD AND CRAZY GUYS, SINCE UNDER THE SECOND AMENDMENT, WE CAN’T EVEN CHECK FOR GUNS OR BOMBS UNDER THEIR BIG BULGES.”

georg and yortuk festrunk, two wild and crazy guys

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Mark Karlin on the long track record of Christian killing and extremism.

 

April 18th, 2013

Media Hails Sender of ‘Ricin Letters’ For ‘Bipartisanship’

Mike Barnicle
“Look, anyone who can send ricin-laced letters to both Barack Obama and a right-wing Senator such as Roger Wicker of Mississippi, is really showing the American people how we can overcome politics to get things done.”

April 12th, 2013

Forget Howard University, Rand Paul Really Goes ‘Old School’ at Hispanic College

Rand Paul at Howard University

“WHILE YOU USUALLY BLAME REPUBLICANS FOR BEING ANTI-HISPANIC, YOU MAY NOT KNOW THAT IT WAS A DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENT, JAMES POLK, WHO WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR REALLY KICKING YOUR ASS AND TAKING YOUR LAND IN THE FIRST PLACE.”

James Polk

Story here.

April 5th, 2013

Who Says Rutgers’ Mike Rice Won’t Get Another Coaching Gig?

dennis rodman and kim jong un

“NOT ONLY DO OUR STARVING PEOPLE NEED MORE ‘RICE’ … BUT HIS TRAINING TECHNIQUES REFLECT THE WAY WE TREAT ALL OUR CITIZENS.”

RUTGERS' MIKE RICE

April 2nd, 2013

Stephen Colbert’s ‘Word of Everyday’, to Aid Sister’s Campaign

“TRAIL”

“REMEMBER, NATION, IF YOU HAPPEN TO SEE MARK SANFORD ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL, ASK HIM HOW IT FEELS TO BE TRAILING MY SISTER, AND WHETHER HE PLANS TO KEEP UP HIS ENERGY BY SNACKING ON TRAIL MIX. “

 

March 27th, 2013

What the Court’s Conservatives REALLY Think About Gay Marriage

Justice Scaliatv show webtetr

“WHAT I’M REALLY CONCERNED ABOUT IS ADOPTION BY GAYS; AREN’T THERE SOCIOLOGICAL STUDIES SHOWING THAT WHEN WE TRIED INTERRACIAL ADOPTION, WE JUST ENDED UP WITH BAD TELEVISION.”

supreme court justice samuel alito

“SHOULDN’T WE GO SLOW, AND HAVE AT LEAST 25 YEARS OF GAY PORN ON THE INTERNET BEFORE LEGALIZING GAY MARRIAGE? I’M NOT EVEN SURE THERE ARE CELL PHONE APPS FOR THAT YET.”

supreme court justice clarence thomas

“I JUST WOKE UP AND HEARD JUSTICE GINSBURG SAY SOMETHING ABOUT ‘SKIM MILK.’ TELL ME COUNSELOR, HAVE YOU EVER SEEN PUBIC HAIR ON A CARTON OF SKIM MILK?”

 

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