“HERE AT THE FACTOR, WE ALL KNOW THAT THE TIDES ARE CAUSED BY GOD, BUT WE DO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT A FULL MOON MAY HAVE CAUSED DONALD TRUMP TO BAY AT THE BIRTHERS.”

Story at HuffPost.

“AND AFTER THE WELFARE STATE OF PLYMOUTH COMPLETELY BROKE DOWN, AND WAS REDUCED TO A MERE COLONY, THINGS GOT SO BAD THAT THE PILGRIMS HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO TURN TO NAZI SOUP KITCHENS.”

Background at Crooks & Liars.

Mr. Obama hailed this agreement as an example of “how the two parties can meet in the middle and respond to the needs of the electorate — and without even having to spend taxpayer funds on a slurpee for Mitch McConnell, or a Merlot for Speaker-to-be Boehner.”

The President further emphasized that he had still “stood on principle, by not handing the ‘keys’ back to the Republicans,” but that he would instead “serve as their ‘designated driver,’ by personally driving the car back into the ditch.  Since the GOP  is now the party of Bachmann and Palin,” Mr. Obama added, “just think of it as Driving Miss Crazy.”

As part of the agreement, the President will also submit a resignation confessing that he’s a Muslim socialist who tried to replace the Constitution with the Koranic Manifesto, but will avoid the harshest demands made by FOX News and Rush Limbaugh: that he be deported to Kenya.

Senate Minority Leader McConnell indicated that he initially harbored some reservations about the agreement, since he “originally wanted to not only impeach the President, but to actually annul his first two years in office.” But McConnell made clear that he and GOP House leaders had moderated their demands with the taxpayers’ best interests at heart, “by saving money on the forest of paper we would’ve used for subpoenas.”

“Besides,” McConnell concluded, “this is much better than our original goal to limit Obama to one full term. After all, we Republicans think it’s an historic compromise to have the nation’s first black President serve only 3/5ths of a term.”

“OKAY, MAYBE IT WASN’T EXACTLY 34 NAVY WARSHIPS, BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT OBAMA WENT OVER TO THE INDIAN SUB-CONTINENT  … WITH AT LEAST TWO COPS IN A ROWBOAT.”

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BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin on Republican Character Assassination, Obama, and the Trip to Mumbai.

“WHAT I REALLY MEANT TO SAY WAS, JUST LIKE SNAKES, MUSLIMS ON PLANES GIVE ME SCHWEDDY BALLS.”

“NEXT TIME A FARE ASKS US TO TAKE THEM TO ‘GROUND ZERO,’ WE’RE GONNA’ TURN ON THE METER AND TAKE A SLIGHT  DETOUR … TO DEARBORN, MICHIGAN.”

Lisa Casey on the FOX detour from reality.

Dan Kurtzman’s Political Cartoons of the Week.

“APPARENTLY, RUPERT MURDOCH IS SO EVIL, AND SO DEAF, THAT HE DIDN’T GET THE NEWS THAT GENERALISSIMO FRANCISCO FRANCO IS STILL DEAD.”

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Story at Crooks & Liars.

Dr. Laura’s Inglorious ‘N’d– at All Hat No Cattle.

Keith Olberman Questions America’s Religious Tolerance, via One Good Move.

“THE DAILY SHOW — UMM, NOW WHO ELSE USES THE WORD ‘DAILY’ IN THEIR TITLE?  OF COURSE, IT’S THE COMMUNIST PAPER, THE DAILY WORKER. AND THE WORD ‘SHOW’ — IT’S THE VERY SAME COMMIES WHO FIRST CAME UP WITH THE ‘SHOW’ TRIAL.”

“THE PRESIDENT HAS KENYA OVER ETHIOPIA COMING OUT OF THE ‘AFRICAN EAST’ BRACKET, AND THEN LOSING TO NIGERIA COMING OUT OF THE MIDWEST.”

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More Fox News insanity, with Glenn Beck U. — at All Hat No Cattle.

More on Michael Moore vs. Rahm, at BartCopE!

“WE ALSO MARKET THE PRODUCT AS A ‘HIGH DRECK LYNCHING’.”

Video at One Good Move.