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The Satirical Political Report

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December 15th, 2010

NFL Hits ‘Jets Tripping Coach’ With The ‘Seinfeld Penalty’

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell

“SINCE THE JETS COACH DOESN’T CARRY ‘TRIPPING INSURANCE,’ HE HAS TO SERVE AS BOTH THE BUTLER … AND THE PERSONAL TRAINER FOR THE PLAYER HE TRIPPED.”

December 28th, 2009

Peyton Manning Pulled Midway Through Mastercard Commercial

“DAMN, I’D LOVE TO FINISH MY VACATION, BUT THEY’RE AFRAID I MIGHT FALL OUT OF THE ‘SACK’ AND OFF THE DAMN TERRACE.”

September 19th, 2008

Another McCain Double-Reverse: Claims He Wanted to Fire SEC Football Commissioner

“CLEARLY, THERE’S BEEN TOO MUCH RISK-TAKING ON FOURTH DOWN, WHEN EVERY GOOD REPUBLICAN KNOWS THE BEST THING IS TO PUNT.”

July 9th, 2006

ANN COULTER SUED FOR PLAGIARISM, AND IDENTITY THEFT — BY LUCIFER

Lucifer, a/k/a “The Devil,” has filed a lawsuit¬†accusing right-wing bomb-thrower Ann Coulter of not only plagiarizing his published works, but of stealing his very¬†identity.

In a 666-page federal complaint filed in the District of Sodom and Gomorrah (the Southern District of New York), Lucifer alleges that Ms. Coulter has misappropriated all of his core ideas, including evil, malice, indiscriminate attacks on innocents, and just acting like a damn fool.

Lucifer’s attorney, Alan Dershowitz, addressing the press on the Courthouse steps, also asserted that Coulter stole¬†his client’s identity, as evidenced by Coulter’s¬†set of horns under her right-wing blonde wig,¬†a pair of balls that would make the GOP elephant proud, and her Adam’s apple (the original used by the Devil in the Garden of Eden).

The complaint also charges that Coulter¬†used¬†Lucifer’s¬†Mastercard to run up a huge bill for pitchforks.

The allegations of¬†Coulter’s¬†plagiarism first surfaced¬†in The Devil’s wholly-owned newspaper, The New York Post, which is run by Lucifer’s direct descendant, Rupert Murdoch.

Coulter, an author and attorney, who once apprenticed for the law firm featured in the Al Pacino movie, The Devil’s Advocate,¬†has denied all charges of impropriety, insisting that her ideas to¬†slander and ruin the lives of¬†decent people are all her own, and come straight from her soul.¬†

She also emphasized that this is not the first time that Lucifer has made such charges, having brought similar claims against Joe McCarthy, Tom DeLay, and Justices Scalia and Thomas. 

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Disorder, South of the Border?: Based on current exchange rates, the alleged vote fraud in the recent Mexican election is actually only one-tenth of that which occurred in the last two U.S. Presidential elections. 

Particularly in this era of the evil boy genius/Turd-Blossom Rove,¬†don’t miss an opportunity to check out David Mark’s terrific new book, Going Dirty:The Art of Negative Campaigning.¬†