“OK, CLASS, THIS SOCIETY SIMPLY CAN’T TOLERATE A COOL, RATIONAL, THOUGHTFUL INDIVIDUAL. SO FOR LESSON NUMBER ONE, PLEASE LEAN YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR WINDOW AND SHOUT: I’M MAD AS HELL AND I’M GOING TO TWITTER ABOUT IT.”

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Letterman Takes on Obama’s Critics, via Dan Kurtzman.

Lisa Casey on the latest Jindal common-sense swindle.

Madkane on an Email Swiped From Dick Cheney’s In-Box.

“AS LONG AS THEY INSIST ON TAXING OUR BONUSES, WE’RE GONNA’ THROW THE TARP MONEY INTO THE EAST RIVER.”

Meg White at BuzzFlash strikes a similar chord with Tea Party Tantrums.

Lisa Casey on Buying Toxic Assets.

Most shockingly, the price was also the same — $24 — although given the strength of the Indian bargaining position, they did not have to pay cash, but only toxic stockpiles of  “corn derivatives,” also known as ethanol.

Perhaps fittingly, while the seller in such transactions typically springs for the celebratory lunch, in this case, the contracting parties went ”Dutch treat.”

Although the tribe indicated that the entire island of Manhattan would be turned into one giant gambling casino, most financial experts agreed that this represented an improvement in “risk management” over the business practices of the last ten years. 

Disgraced AIG executives lost no time in shifting their focus, immediately seeking hiring bonuses from the new Native-American owners of Manhattan. One former AIG trader even claimed that he had a brand new idea for “poker chip default swaps,” to insure that there would never be any losses resulting from sub-prime gamblers.

On CNBC, Jim Cramer commented that he was “sitting bullish” about the deal, and that in addition to the gaming industry,  he was optimistic that this deal would even be able to resuscitate “Running Bear Stearns.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

P.M. Carpenter at BuzzFlash on the Deficit Bogeyman under your bed.

Norm Jenson with The Sunday Funnies and Bill Maher’s New Rules.

Pick your poison, between Congress and AIG, at All Hat No Cattle.

Madkane’s Fume About Hume.

“OF COURSE, WE’LL ALSO HAVE TO THROW IN A COUPLE OF BILLION DOLLARS, TO COMPENSATE THE ABORIGINAL TRIBES FOR THE COST OF TRYING TO CIVILIZE THESE AIG SAVAGES.”

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Lisa Casey with AIG’s latest Ad Campaign.

Meg White at BuzzFlash: AIG Bonuses are Not the Real Problem: We Need to Fire the Bastards.

Dan Kurtzman with the complete roundup of Bailout Jokes.

Samantha’s Bee Money Honey Bee, at One Good Move.

“NOW, YOU GOTTA’ GO OUT AND BUY SHARES OF JON STEWART — THE ONLY ONE WHO’S GOT THE BALLS TO LAY ‘BARE’ THE ‘BULLSHIT’ THAT MY FELLOW COMMENTATORS AND I HAVE BEEN TOSSING OUT OVER THE LAST YEAR.”

BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin with kudos to Jon Stewart: Devastates CNBC and Its Destructive Boosterism of Failed Wall Street Scams.

Norm Jenson has the Stewart skewer of CNBC here.

“THEY PROMISED ME 10% ANNUAL RETURNS, AND A CHANCE TO MEET JESSICA RABBIT.”

“THIS MAY BE THE FIRST CASE WHERE THE THE PRIVATE SECTOR STIMULATES THE GOVERNMENT. AND THE FIRST CASE WHERE WE FINALLY STIMULATE REAL BIPARTISANSHIP.”

[Lisa Casey weighs in with Wall St. Whineries.]

“ANDERSON, MADOFF SOMEHOW CONNED ALL THE OLD FARTS INTO BELIEVING THAT THEY’D BECOME COOL, JUST BY BUYING A MOTORCYLE AND LEATHER JACKET FROM HIM.”

“HERE’S A SONG I THINK YOU KIDS WILL REALLY ENJOY — AND YOUR MOM AND I AGREE IT’S EDUCATIONAL TOO”:

Bush, the magic drag-on, the lame GOP
Bollixed his whole Presidency, in a land called Iraqi
Little Dickie Cheney, loved to play real rough
Pulled Dubya’s strings and sealed his fate with a lotta’ made-up stuff

Bush, the magic drag-on, a sound economy
Let Wall Street crooks have their way, with complete autonomy
Little Hankie Paulson, lookin’ not so sharp
Can’t find the funds that he doled out, hidden by a TARP

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Given Chip Saltsman’s “musical taste,” he wins BuzzFlash’s GOP Hypocrite of the Week.

All Hat No Cattle’s Phototoon Year in Review.

And Puff The Real Magic Dragon Ain’t Too Happy.

’3 A.M. Phone Call Ad’ Wins Hillary the Presidency, of OnStar

Baseball Decrees the Steroid Age the ‘Shrunken Ball Era’

The Legend of Fred Thompson: A Politician Turned Actor Who Couldn’t Play a Candidate on TV

Evangelicals Claim Prop 8 Protects the Sanctity of Marriages Performed by Elvises in Vegas Chapels

Accused in Hate Crime Plea Bargains Down to ‘Spite’

Famed Photog Annie Leibovitz Uses Negatives to Capture McCain’s Campaign

Iraq Celebrates 5th Anniversary by Re-Gifting Democracy

Rudy Giuliani Reveals His Feet Are Two Different Sizes: a ’9′ and an ’11′

Co-Founder of Slinky Dies, After Falling Down Steps

Pollsters Admit Flaws in Methodology: ‘Exit Polls’ Conducted at Entrances

Sarah Palin Touts Her Experience as a ‘Closet Organizer’

Satirists Riot Over The New Yorker Obama Cartoon

Americans Strongly Believe in God, But One That Only Controls the Outcome of Sporting Events

Due to Snowstorm, Premature Ejaculation Clinic Operating on a 5 Minute Delay

Huckabee Declares He’s Ready to be President From ‘Day Six,’ Literally

Spitzer Scandal Spurs Call for Reform: Public Financing of Hookers

Christian Right Condemns Gay Adoption of Highways

FOX News Blames Obama for Nigerian Spam

Time-Life Issues the Definitive Collection of ‘Bush Scandals’

Sarah Palin Establishes a New ‘Crack in the WOODEN FLOOR’

Stood Up by ‘Joe the Plumber,’ McCain Campaigns with ‘Janitor in a Drum’

Iraqi Shoe Thrower Receives a ‘Seinfeld Sentence’ — Has to Serve as Bush’s Butler (and Shoeshine man)

A Sign of the Times: E*Trade Baby Leaps to Death From His Crib

McCain Claims ‘Multiple House Story’ Helps Him With Mormons

Sarah Palin Takes Phone Call from Napoleon Bonaparte

U.S. Finally Greeted as Liberators, by Wall Street

Lesson Learned: Auto Executives Make Return Trip to D.C. in Flintstones Car

An Ominous Sign for the GOP: Even Mars Turns Blue

Bush’s ‘Mission Accomplished’ Finally Realized: Iraq in Better Shape Than U.S.

Sarah Palin’s Greatest ‘Gift’ to America: Ruining Thanksgiving

Treasury Gives Bailout to Sperm Banks, to Inject Liquidity Into Frozen Markets

Blagojevich, Preparing for the Worst, Plans to Sell His Own ‘Seat’ in Jail

Conspiracy Theory of ‘Second Shoe Thrower’ Raised by Abdul-liver Stone

Bernie Madoff’s Fraud Reaches Beyond Jewish Community: Ran Pyramid Scheme in Egypt

House of Tudor Lays Claim to Vacant NY Senate Seat

Cheney Voices Concern Biden Will Diminish the ‘Vice’ in Vice Presidency

GOP Realizes Its Worst Nightmare: Black Man Elected to Lead U.S. Out of The Dark Ages