“FORGET THE FANCY WALL STREET SLEIGHT-OF-HAND — WE’RE TALKING ABOUT AN ACTUAL KIDNAPPING, WHERE WE ‘SECURITIZE’ JON STEWART BY LITERALLY CUTTING HIM INTO LITTLE PIECES .”

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One Good Move with The Daily Show video , and BuzzFlash analysis on the voters’ revenge on Congress for failure to enact meaningful bank reform.

“MR. PRESIDENT, WE’LL SUPPORT YOUR PLAN FOR A PUBLIC OPTION, AS LONG AS WE CAN SECURITIZE IT, DERIVATIVIZE  IT, AND TRADE IT AS OPTIONS … AND THEN SELL WHAT’S LEFT AS ‘SUB-PRIME HEALTH INSURANCE’ TO THE SAME POOR SHMUCKS WHO BOUGHT OUR WORTHLESS MORTGAGES.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

Lisa Casey on The Great White Dopes, and BuzzFlash’s P.M. Carpenter on the Great GOP Freak Show.

Juan Cole on the latest chaos in Afghanistan.

“OK, CLASS, THIS SOCIETY SIMPLY CAN’T TOLERATE A COOL, RATIONAL, THOUGHTFUL INDIVIDUAL. SO FOR LESSON NUMBER ONE, PLEASE LEAN YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR WINDOW AND SHOUT: I’M MAD AS HELL AND I’M GOING TO TWITTER ABOUT IT.”

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Letterman Takes on Obama’s Critics, via Dan Kurtzman.

Lisa Casey on the latest Jindal common-sense swindle.

Madkane on an Email Swiped From Dick Cheney’s In-Box.

“AS LONG AS THEY INSIST ON TAXING OUR BONUSES, WE’RE GONNA’ THROW THE TARP MONEY INTO THE EAST RIVER.”

Meg White at BuzzFlash strikes a similar chord with Tea Party Tantrums.

Lisa Casey on Buying Toxic Assets.

“WE ALSO HAD TO SUSPEND OUR INTERNET SERVICE AND SELL OUR SOAPBOX, SO IT LOOKS LIKE THE REVOLUTION WILL HAVE TO WAIT AT LEAST ANOTHER GENERATION.”

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Lisa Casey on Congressional con-plicity.

Dan Kurtzman’s The Week in Political Cartoons.

Juan Cole on Obama v. Cheney on Guantanamo, Prosecutions, Torture.

In perhaps the ultimate sign that the reckless behavior of  Wall Street is exacting an “historic” toll, the Borough of Manhattan, originally purchased by the Dutch from the Indians 400 years ago, was today sold back to the same Native-American tribe.

Most shockingly, the price was also the same — $24 — although given the strength of the Indian bargaining position, they did not have to pay cash, but only toxic stockpiles of  “corn derivatives,” also known as ethanol.

Perhaps fittingly, while the seller in such transactions typically springs for the celebratory lunch, in this case, the contracting parties went ”Dutch treat.”

Although the tribe indicated that the entire island of Manhattan would be turned into one giant gambling casino, most financial experts agreed that this represented an improvement in “risk management” over the business practices of the last ten years. 

Disgraced AIG executives lost no time in shifting their focus, immediately seeking hiring bonuses from the new Native-American owners of Manhattan. One former AIG trader even claimed that he had a brand new idea for “poker chip default swaps,” to insure that there would never be any losses resulting from sub-prime gamblers.

On CNBC, Jim Cramer commented that he was “sitting bullish” about the deal, and that in addition to the gaming industry,  he was optimistic that this deal would even be able to resuscitate “Running Bear Stearns.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

P.M. Carpenter at BuzzFlash on the Deficit Bogeyman under your bed.

Norm Jenson with The Sunday Funnies and Bill Maher’s New Rules.

Pick your poison, between Congress and AIG, at All Hat No Cattle.

Madkane’s Fume About Hume.

“OF COURSE, WE’LL ALSO HAVE TO THROW IN A COUPLE OF BILLION DOLLARS, TO COMPENSATE THE ABORIGINAL TRIBES FOR THE COST OF TRYING TO CIVILIZE THESE AIG SAVAGES.”

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Lisa Casey with AIG’s latest Ad Campaign.

Meg White at BuzzFlash: AIG Bonuses are Not the Real Problem: We Need to Fire the Bastards.

Dan Kurtzman with the complete roundup of Bailout Jokes.

Samantha’s Bee Money Honey Bee, at One Good Move.

“THE PROBLEM IS, THEY FEEL THAT EVEN IF THEY PICK A FINAL FOUR OF ALL NO. 16 SEEDS, THE GOVERNMENT WILL JUST STEP IN AGAIN TO MAKE UP THEIR LOSSES.” 

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BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin: Wal-Mart, Wall Street and W: Three W’s That Sank the American Economy and Boosted China.

Lisa Casey with The Masterbaiter.

Madkane’s Ode To Ari Fleischer.

Dan Kurtzman with The Week in Political Cartoons.

“THEY ACTUALLY CONSIDERED COMBINING THE BUSINESS AND OBITUARIES, BUT THEY ULTIMATELY FIGURED WE’RE ALL BETTER OFF LAUGHING OURSELVES TO DEATH.”

Here’s the real story, from the horse’s mouth.

“NOW, YOU GOTTA’ GO OUT AND BUY SHARES OF JON STEWART — THE ONLY ONE WHO’S GOT THE BALLS TO LAY ‘BARE’ THE ‘BULLSHIT’ THAT MY FELLOW COMMENTATORS AND I HAVE BEEN TOSSING OUT OVER THE LAST YEAR.”

BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin with kudos to Jon Stewart: Devastates CNBC and Its Destructive Boosterism of Failed Wall Street Scams.

Norm Jenson has the Stewart skewer of CNBC here.