$149 — 43 boxes of Mooseburger Helper

$289 – Christian Dior ’Pit Bull’ Lipstick 

$666 – eBay bid for a James Dobson autographed copy of How to Convert a Gay Jew.

$213 — Cans of Lighter Fluid, for book-burnings in backyard

$487 — Hockey sticks for clubbing baby seals

$17.99 — A copy of Karl Rove’s Vindictive Firing of Government Employees for Dummies  

$37 — Olive oil for salads (No Extra Virgin for daughter Bristol)

$69 — Pornographic Pay-Per-View  movies, including Come All Yee Faithful, and Who’s Your Holy Daddy?

$586 – 22 copies of the King James Bible, for every nightstand, TV stand, and bathroom in the house 

$4000 — Sarah Palin’s Dental Bridge, for side of mouth where she doesn’t even chew

$956 — Home Office Supplies for writing Palin’s Autobiography — A Journey From Juneau to Juno to Jew-No

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BLOGWORTHIES:

MSNBC on Just Who is Sarah Palin? — at One Good Move.

Part 2 of BuzzFlash series on Republicans’ Class War.

Lisa Casey with Obama’s New Campaign Strategy.

Top 10 Dumbest Sarah Palin Quotes, via Dan Kurtzman.

“I’M GOING TO BE BROUGHT OUT IN SHACKLES, IN A HANOI HILTON STYLE CELL, WHERE l’LL SINGLE-HANDEDLY OVERCOME MY NORTH VIETNAMESE GUARDS, THEN STOP AN ABORTION IN PROGRESS, AND FINISH UP BY DRILLING FOR OIL RIGHT THROUGH THE CONVENTION STAGE.”

“WHO NEEDS SEX-EDUCATION, WHEN WE CAN SPEND BILLIONS FOR AN ADVANCED LASER SYSTEM TO INTERCEPT THE SPERM IN MID-VAGINA.” 

“WHADDYA’ EXPECT, I HAVE THE SAME FOREIGN POLICY TUTOR AS JOHN McCAIN.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

The “True McCain” Position on Abortion, at BuzzFlash.

A real look into Putin’s eyes, at All Hat No Cattle.

Dan Kurtzman with the John Edwards Sex Scandal Humor Roundup.

“I HARDLY THINK SENATOR OBAMA IS QUALIFIED TO DEAL WITH A CRISIS INVOLVING THE CAUCASIAN REGION.”

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Lisa Casey on Beijing Bush.

Olympic Punch Lines, via Dan Kurtzman.

Juan Cole on Mountain of Evidence Marshaled against Musharraf; US Refuses to Back Elected Civilian government.

“AL, THAT MOVE’S NEVER EVEN BEEN TRIED BEFORE — A TRIPLE REVERSE, FOLLOWED BY A DOUBLE TWIST FLIP-FLOP, TOPPED OFF WITH A STRADDLE-BACK AND A HEAD-TUCK UP HIS ASS.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

Olympic Punch Lines, via Dan Kurtzman.

Will Durst’s Top Ten Events in the Chinese Olympiad.

BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin asks if Cheney Was Behind the Anthrax Attacks.

Madkane’s My “Dear John” Edwards Letter.

Norm Jenson with Thomas Frank on the Colbert Report, making his argument ”that conservatives suck.”

“NOW, IF JOHN HAD JUST PROPERLY INFLATED HIS SEX DOLL, HE COULD’VE COMPLETELY AVOIDED UNNECESSARY ‘DRILLING’.”

“IN ONE SENSE, YOU’RE NEVER REALLY PREPARED TO HANDLE EXTRA-MARITAL AFFAIRS. EVEN AFTER MY WHOLE FIRST TERM AS PRESIDENT, I STILL SCREWED IT UP.”

“WE’RE NOT GONNA’ ACTUALLY USE ‘EM IN THE OLYMPICS, BUT TRADE ‘EM TO SAUDI ARABIA FOR SOME MORE OIL.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

The Obama-McCain Town Hall Meetings That Weren’t: An Opportunity Missed, by P.M. Carpenter at BuzzFlash.

100K Signatures for Impeachment Delivered to Pelosi, at Crooks & Liars.

The Week’s Best Late-Night Jokes, via Dan Kurtzman.