“UNDER MODERN TEA PARTY REPUBLICAN PRINCIPLES , WE BELIEVE IN THROWING THE UNITED STATES CONSTITUTION INTO THE HARBOR.”

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Mark Karlin of BuzzFlash at Truthout on General Electric’s Legalized Theft of Tax Payer Dollars.

“POLLS SHOW THAT EVEN THE MOST OBNOXIOUS COMMERCIALS ARE MORE POPULAR WITH THE AMERICAN PEOPLE THAN THE ABRASIVE SOUNDS  OF THOSE MADMEN — BOEHNER, McCONNELL AND CANTOR.”

Mr. Obama hailed this agreement as an example of “how the two parties can meet in the middle and respond to the needs of the electorate — and without even having to spend taxpayer funds on a slurpee for Mitch McConnell, or a Merlot for Speaker-to-be Boehner.”

The President further emphasized that he had still “stood on principle, by not handing the ‘keys’ back to the Republicans,” but that he would instead “serve as their ‘designated driver,’ by personally driving the car back into the ditch.  Since the GOP  is now the party of Bachmann and Palin,” Mr. Obama added, “just think of it as Driving Miss Crazy.”

As part of the agreement, the President will also submit a resignation confessing that he’s a Muslim socialist who tried to replace the Constitution with the Koranic Manifesto, but will avoid the harshest demands made by FOX News and Rush Limbaugh: that he be deported to Kenya.

Senate Minority Leader McConnell indicated that he initially harbored some reservations about the agreement, since he “originally wanted to not only impeach the President, but to actually annul his first two years in office.” But McConnell made clear that he and GOP House leaders had moderated their demands with the taxpayers’ best interests at heart, “by saving money on the forest of paper we would’ve used for subpoenas.”

“Besides,” McConnell concluded, “this is much better than our original goal to limit Obama to one full term. After all, we Republicans think it’s an historic compromise to have the nation’s first black President serve only 3/5ths of a term.”

Hedge Fund Manager David Tepper

“IF ONLY OBAMA HAD FOLLOWED UP THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION WITH MORE MONEY TO THE BANKS, I COULD’VE MADE ENOUGH TO BUY ALL OF SOCIALIST SCANDINAVIA.”

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Eric Cantor is BuzzFlash’s GOP Hypocrite of the Week –For Using Threats as Political Weapons.

Lisa Casey with the Palin School of Diplomacy.

Madkane’s Liberal Drilling? Chill, Obama, Chill!

“IT’S A WELL-KNOWN FACT THAT THOSE FOLKS YOU SEE STANDING ON THE SO-CALLED ‘UNEMPLOYMENT LINES’ ARE ACTUALLY GETTING PAID TO HOLD THE PLACE FOR OTHER PEOPLE … WHO THEN GET PAID FOR HOLDING THE  PLACE FOR THIS GROUP.”

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More GOP Loopies, at All Hat No Cattle.

McCain and Cantor, the big little men, by P.M. Carpenter at BuzzFlash.

“NOW, SOME OF MY COLLEAGUES ARE TAKING THE ‘BIRTHER’ APPROACH AND EMPHASIZING THAT MR. CAO WAS BORN IN VIETNAM. BUT I’D PREFER TO TAKE THE HIGH ROAD, AND JUST ASSERT THAT HE SANG SHOW TUNES IN ‘MISS SAIGON’.” 

“WE ALL KNOW THE CAO FAMILY’S INSPIRATIONAL STORY OF THEIR ESCAPE FROM THE VIETNAMESE COMMUNISTS , BUT WE REPUBLICANS HAVE TAKEN RE-EDUCATION CAMPS TO A WHOLE ‘NOTHER LEVEL.”

“NOW, IN A MINUTE, DAVE, I’M GONNA’ BRING OUT McCONNELL, BOEHNER AND CANTOR, WHO ARE ALL GOING TO LICK RUSH LIMBAUGH’S ASS…. AND THEN THEY TOLD ME WE COULD PLAY: ‘GOP, DOES IT FLOAT’?”

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More Pop Culture and Entertainment News at BartCopE!

“I’M PREPARED TO SELL MY GIANT MAN-SIZED SAFE TO THE IRANIANS, SO THAT THEY CAN DETAIN THE OPPOSITION LEADER. AND WITH THE FUNDS I RECEIVE, I CAN SUBSIDIZE THE GOP’S PLAN TO CONTRA-DICT EVERYTHING OBAMA DOES.”

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More Right Wing Follies:

BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin: Glenn Beck with a Turban Would be Just Another Terrorist in Gitmo as He Daily Commits Treason.

Lisa Casey on the GOP’s Hunt for Red Obama,  and Madkane on Hannity Insanity.

And Dan Kurtzman with The Week’s Best Late-Night Jokes.