In an attempt to rebut the mounting evidence that her record as a “reformer” is a sham, GOP Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin announced today that she will be auctioning off running mate John McCain on eBay.

Surrounded by representatives of both the evangelical and tax-cutting wings of her party, Palin asserted that this would be “the best way to cut Government waste, especially since we don’t need a recent convert who only became a believer in God during this past election cycle.”

In attendance was Dr. James Dobson of the organization “Hocus-Pocus on the Family,” who indicated that his group might bid for and buy McCain, for the purpose of keeping him in a lockbox for the duration of a Palin Presidency.  Dobson added that the man-sized safe kept by Dick Cheney in his office might prove to be perfect for the job.

Alternatively, some of the GOP faithful were more inclined to burn McCain as a fossil fuel, but as a concession to the alternative energy crowd, only after utilizing the old man’s potential as a source of mighty wind.

Experienced eBay users were skeptical, however, that McCain could attract a substantial price at auction, pointing out that his value has greatly declined ever since the former maverick himself utilized eBay — with the obvious help of his aide — to sell his own soul.

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BLOGWORTHIES:

BuzzFlash Editor Mark Karlin on Palin’s Offenses Against Rape and Domestic Violence Victims.

Jon Stewart on Blink, Not Sarah, at One Good Move.

More McCain-Palin Posters, at All Hat No Cattle.

History Lesson: Wall Street, Economy Do Better Under Democrats – at Perrspectives.

$149 — 43 boxes of Mooseburger Helper

$289 – Christian Dior ’Pit Bull’ Lipstick 

$666 – eBay bid for a James Dobson autographed copy of How to Convert a Gay Jew.

$213 — Cans of Lighter Fluid, for book-burnings in backyard

$487 — Hockey sticks for clubbing baby seals

$17.99 — A copy of Karl Rove’s Vindictive Firing of Government Employees for Dummies  

$37 — Olive oil for salads (No Extra Virgin for daughter Bristol)

$69 — Pornographic Pay-Per-View  movies, including Come All Yee Faithful, and Who’s Your Holy Daddy?

$586 – 22 copies of the King James Bible, for every nightstand, TV stand, and bathroom in the house 

$4000 — Sarah Palin’s Dental Bridge, for side of mouth where she doesn’t even chew

$956 — Home Office Supplies for writing Palin’s Autobiography — A Journey From Juneau to Juno to Jew-No

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BLOGWORTHIES:

MSNBC on Just Who is Sarah Palin? — at One Good Move.

Part 2 of BuzzFlash series on Republicans’ Class War.

Lisa Casey with Obama’s New Campaign Strategy.

Top 10 Dumbest Sarah Palin Quotes, via Dan Kurtzman.

“I OBVIOUSLY SOLD IT TO THE REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE, FOR THE PRICE OF THE GOP NOMINATION.”

Lucifer, a/k/a “The Devil,” has filed a lawsuit¬†accusing right-wing bomb-thrower Ann Coulter of not only plagiarizing his published works, but of stealing his very¬†identity.

In a 666-page federal complaint filed in the District of Sodom and Gomorrah (the Southern District of New York), Lucifer alleges that Ms. Coulter has misappropriated all of his core ideas, including evil, malice, indiscriminate attacks on innocents, and just acting like a damn fool.

Lucifer’s attorney, Alan Dershowitz, addressing the press on the Courthouse steps, also asserted that Coulter stole¬†his client’s identity, as evidenced by Coulter’s¬†set of horns under her right-wing blonde wig,¬†a pair of balls that would make the GOP elephant proud, and her Adam’s apple (the original used by the Devil in the Garden of Eden).

The complaint also charges that Coulter¬†used¬†Lucifer’s¬†Mastercard to run up a huge bill for pitchforks.

The allegations of¬†Coulter’s¬†plagiarism first surfaced¬†in The Devil’s wholly-owned newspaper, The New York Post, which is run by Lucifer’s direct descendant, Rupert Murdoch.

Coulter, an author and attorney, who once apprenticed for the law firm featured in the Al Pacino movie, The Devil’s Advocate,¬†has denied all charges of impropriety, insisting that her ideas to¬†slander and ruin the lives of¬†decent people are all her own, and come straight from her soul.¬†

She also emphasized that this is not the first time that Lucifer has made such charges, having brought similar claims against Joe McCarthy, Tom DeLay, and Justices Scalia and Thomas. 

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Disorder, South of the Border?: Based on current exchange rates, the alleged vote fraud in the recent Mexican election is actually only one-tenth of that which occurred in the last two U.S. Presidential elections. 

Particularly in this era of the evil boy genius/Turd-Blossom Rove,¬†don’t miss an opportunity to check out David Mark’s terrific new book, Going Dirty:The Art of Negative Campaigning.¬†