“I AM IN FACT INVESTIGATING THE MOON LANDING. AFTER ALL, I NEVER HEARD OF ‘ASTRONAUT UNIVERSITY,’  THE MAN IN THE MOON NEVER SAID HE SAW ANY OF THESE SO-CALLED ASTRONAUTS, AND IF THEY DID ACTUALLY LAND ON THE MOON, WHERE THE FUCK IS THE SWISS CHEESE THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BRING HOME.”

“NOT ONLY DO I MAKE MY LINE OF CLOTHING IN CHINA, BUT THEY AGREED TO PUT THE ‘TRUMP’ NAME ON THEIR REALLY, REALLY GREAT FUCKING WALL.”

More on Trumpian Hypocrisy here.

“LET’S FACE IT, THERE ARE SOME SERIOUS DOUBTS ABOUT HIS  BRITISH CITIZENSHIP. HIS TEETH ARE NOT THAT BAD, AND HE’S MARRYING AN EXTREMELY ATTRACTIVE WOMAN. SO IN A FEW WEEKS, I’LL BE MAKING AN ANNOUNCEMENT ABOUT MY CANDIDACY FOR THE THRONE.”

“NOW AS FAR AS GOD IS CONCERNED, NOBODY EVER RECALLS SEEING HIM, THERE’S NO RECORD OF HIS ATTENDANCE AT ANY SCHOOLS, AND MY INVESTIGATORS HAVE CHECKED THE RECORDS GOING BACK OVER 6000 YEARS …  AND STILL NO SIGN OF A BIRTH CERTIFICATE.”

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BuzzFlash Editor Mark Karlin: The “Glory Days” of Scott Walker May Already be Over.

One Good Move with The Security Mirage.

Recommended Reading at BartCopE!

“LEMME TELL YA’  – ANYBODY CAN GET A COUPLE OF PIECES OF PLYWOOD AND FAKE A CRUCIFIXION. BUT I KNOW A LOT OF ROMANS WHO TELL ME THEY COULDN’T EVEN FIND JESUS’ BODY, LET ALONE A DEATH CERTIFICATE.”

“WHAT DID TRUMP DO TODAY? HE GOT UP, BRAGGED HE HAD BOTH THE MOST MONEY AND THE BIGGEST DICK — NOW THERE’S YOUR BLOWHARD ABOUT NOTHING!”

Story here.

“IF I’M PRESIDENT WE’LL NOT ONLY STAND UP TO THE CHINESE COMMIES, BUT KICK THEIR ASS AND TAKE  ALL THE TEA IN CHINA.”

“THEY SAY JESUS WALKED ON WATER, BUT IN ONLY TWO WEEKS I WENT FROM EATING A TONGUE SANDWICH AT THE CARNEGIE DELI … TO SPEAKING IN TONGUES.”

“HERE AT THE FACTOR, WE ALL KNOW THAT THE TIDES ARE CAUSED BY GOD, BUT WE DO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT A FULL MOON MAY HAVE CAUSED DONALD TRUMP TO BAY AT THE BIRTHERS.”

Story at HuffPost.