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The Satirical Political Report

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February 9th, 2011

Rumsfeld Book Tour Marred by Massive Book Looting

“WHAT WE DID KNOW, IS THAT MOST AMERICANS HATE MY GUTS. WHAT WE DIDN’T KNOW — AND DIDN’T KNOW WE DIDN’T KNOW – IS THAT MINIMUM-WAGE MALL COPS WOULD CUT AND RUN …  AND THAT MY BOOK WAS PRINTED ON PAPER SMOOTH ENOUGH TO WIPE YOUR ASS.”

December 3rd, 2009
July 6th, 2009

SecDef Rumsfeld Eulogizes SecDef McNamara

“THERE IS ONE ‘KNOWN’ I REALLY KNOW: BOB McNAMARA NOT ONLY LEFT ME HIS LEGACY OF MILITARY STRATEGY, BUT ALSO BEQUEATHED ME HIS COMPLETELY FOGGED-UP WIRE-RIMMED GLASSES – THROUGH WHICH I COULDN’T EVEN DISTINGUISH BETWEEN MY ASS AND MY ELBOW.”

May 18th, 2009
May 18th, 2009
May 18th, 2009

Cheney Raises Doomsday Scenario: The ‘BACKWARDS-Ticking Time Bomb’

“IN ORDER TO AVOID OUR ADMINISTRATION’S OWN DOOMSDAY, WE HAD TO TORTURE BEFORE TIME RAN OUT … TO RE-WRITE THE HISTORY OF IRAQ’S ‘CONNECTION’ TO 9/11.”

“HURRY UP, MARTY, WE HAVE TO GO BACK IN TIME AND PREVENT DICK CHENEY’S PARENTS FROM EVER MEETING.”

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TPM on the Cheney’s Waterboarding of the truth on Al Qaeda-Iraq 

BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin on the GOP’s “Pelosi Diversion” – from the Architects of Torture and Murder: Cheney, Rumsfeld and Bush.

More on the Elephantine perversion of logic at All Hat No Cattle.

Dan Kurtzman’s The Week in Political Cartoons.

May 17th, 2009

Holy Christ! Rumsfeld’s Religious Intelligence Briefings Even Twisted the Bible

“SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO START A RELIGIOUS CRUSADE WITH THE GOD YOU HAVE, NOT THE GOD YOU MIGHT WANT OR NEED.”

Robert Draper Story at GQ here.

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A slightly more secular perspective: Five minutes with Richard Dawkins, at One Good Move.

A Revealing Sign of the CIA, at All Hat No Cattle, and Madkane with the CIA’s “The “We Did Nothing Wrong, & Nancy Should Have Stopped Us” Song.

Michael Winship at BuzzFlash: What’s So Funny about Washington?

February 6th, 2009

Centrist ‘Gang of 20′ Senators Took Instructions From Rumsfeld

Sen. Joseph I. Lieberman, I-Conn., Sen. Ben Nelson, D-Neb., and Sen. Susan Collins, R-Maine, after a meeting of Senate moderates on the economic stimulus bill being considered in the Senate on February 5, 2009

“RUMMY ADVISED THAT THE STIMULUS PACKAGE HAVE LESS MONEY THAN WAS LOOTED IN OUR FIRST WEEK OCCUPYING BAGHDAD.”

“One of the ‘knowns’ we know is that I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about.”

November 7th, 2008

Donald Rumsfeld ‘Knows’ Sarah Palin

“THERE ARE SOME KNOWNS THAT YOU ALWAYS KNOW, AND ONE KNOWN THAT I KNOW IS THAT PALIN KNOWS EVEN LESS THAN I DID ABOUT IRAQ.”