Huddled in his situation room with his chief advisers, the president is trying to wade through a welter of conflicting advice as to whether to up the ante against Mullah Murdoch and his minions, or to scale back the fight to occasional drone attacks against the droning right-wingers.

The hawkish Hillary Clinton, sources say, advises sending at least 40,000 troops to the FOX studios, while Vice President Joe Biden is advocating a partition plan, that would separate FOX into separate divisions of news, opinion, and the psychiatric ward.

Some respected columnists, such as Nicholas Kristof of The New York Times, have urged a renewed emphasis on building schools at FOX, but Obama’s national security team appears to agree that such an effort would be futile, and would be more useful in a more advanced feudal setting such as Afghanistan.

There is also concern that enhanced efforts to defeat FOX News are complicated by the rampant drug trade, since there is strong suspicion that such FOX anchors as Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity and Glenn Beck are being supplied with hallucinogens by Rush Limbaugh.

Even many liberals are skeptical that the war against FOX can be “won,” given the historical lack of any respect for democratic institutions or a culture of civility at the network, which continues to “Ailes” the country more than the swine flu.