“WE’RE ALSO GETTING REPORTS THAT AIG, OF ALL COMPANIES, IS ISSUING DERIVATIVE CONTRACTS THAT  INSURE THESE SANDBAGS … BUT NOT ANY OF THE HOMES THAT MAY GET WASHED AWAY.”

In perhaps the ultimate sign that the reckless behavior of  Wall Street is exacting an “historic” toll, the Borough of Manhattan, originally purchased by the Dutch from the Indians 400 years ago, was today sold back to the same Native-American tribe.

Most shockingly, the price was also the same — $24 — although given the strength of the Indian bargaining position, they did not have to pay cash, but only toxic stockpiles of  “corn derivatives,” also known as ethanol.

Perhaps fittingly, while the seller in such transactions typically springs for the celebratory lunch, in this case, the contracting parties went ”Dutch treat.”

Although the tribe indicated that the entire island of Manhattan would be turned into one giant gambling casino, most financial experts agreed that this represented an improvement in “risk management” over the business practices of the last ten years. 

Disgraced AIG executives lost no time in shifting their focus, immediately seeking hiring bonuses from the new Native-American owners of Manhattan. One former AIG trader even claimed that he had a brand new idea for “poker chip default swaps,” to insure that there would never be any losses resulting from sub-prime gamblers.

On CNBC, Jim Cramer commented that he was “sitting bullish” about the deal, and that in addition to the gaming industry,  he was optimistic that this deal would even be able to resuscitate “Running Bear Stearns.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

P.M. Carpenter at BuzzFlash on the Deficit Bogeyman under your bed.

Norm Jenson with The Sunday Funnies and Bill Maher’s New Rules.

Pick your poison, between Congress and AIG, at All Hat No Cattle.

Madkane’s Fume About Hume.

“HEY, CHECK OUT THESE TITLES: DEBBIE DOES DERIVATIVES, MORTGAGE BARE-BACKED SECURITIES, AND BERNIE MADOFF FUCKS THE LIFESTYLES OF THE RICH AND FAMOUS.”

Story here.

“THE CAR HAS NO VALUE, IS TOXIC TO THE ENVIRONMENT AND IS GUARANTEED TO CRASH, BUT THIS IS APPARENTLY WHAT CONGRESS IS LOOKING FOR.” 

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Staying on topic, Chad Rubel at BuzzFlash says Auto industry executives need a road trip to figure out company woes.

“I’M SHOCKED, SHOCKED! — TO FIND THAT GREEDY WALL STREET BASTARDS WOULD GAMBLE WITH THE WORLD’S ECONOMY.”

[Story at Huffington Post.]

                              THE TRUE GIBBERISH CZAR

“DOGGONE IT, YOU BETCHA’ THAT BY FOLLOWING THE AYN RAND LIBERTARIAN PHILOSOPHY, AND COMPLETELY ABANDONING ANY REASONABLE  REGULATIONS OF THE DERIVATIVES MARKET, WE CAN COUNT ON WALL STREET TO POLICE ITSELF…. IN OTHER WORDS, I CAN SEE MARKET STABILITY FROM MY BATHTUB.”

The New York Times with the story.