10. I’d like to try a ‘Palin-Wink,’ but I’m afraid I just might fall asleep.

9. The way things are going, I feel like crawling into Bill Ayers’ “Underground.”

8. Glad I’m not running against Hillary, ’cause then I’d have to attack TV icon Marlo Thomas.

7. I just pray my adult diaper can hold all the shit I’m churning out.

6. If I see any of my old Navy girlfriends in the audience, remember to thank them for their “service.”

5. I hope Cindy remembered to TIVO those Matlock reruns.

4. Quote Teddy Roosevelt, but don’t mention he kicked my maverick ass out of the “Rough Riders.”

3. Offer Brokaw the job of announcing that I’ve been eaten by Sarah Palin’s wolves.

2. Pretend not to hear, if I’m asked how many dispossessed Americans I can put up in my 13 homes.

1. Find out if they’re still running “To Tell the Truth,” so I can find out if the real John McCain will stand up?

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BLOGWORTHIES:

BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin weighs in on the GOP Jostle for 2012. Do the hustle!

John Oliver of the Daily Show on The Stupid Votes, at One Good Move.

A new test for President, at All Hat No Cattle.

Dan Kurtzman with the That One Humor.

Juan Cole on McCain’s Unreal Debate.

“BRIAN, OUR POLLING SHOWS THAT McCAIN NOW TRAILS AGAINST ‘THAT ONE,’ ‘THIS ONE,’ AND EVEN ‘THAT GIRL’.”

“LOOKS LIKE THIS CAMPAIGN IS SQUIRTING RIGHT THROUGH MY LEGS.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin on The Terrorists Among Us: McCain and Palin; and Madkane observes that McCain And Palin Make Rudy Look Like A Class Act.

“Tracking” the Candidates, at All Hat No Cattle.

The Daily Show offers up Common Man-Off, at One Good Move.

“DON’T CHA’ THINK THE JOE SIXPACKS AND HOCKEY MOMS OF AMERICA WOULD PREFER A QUEEN LIKE ME, INSTEAD OF ONE WITH A MUSLIM NAME WHO ASKED ME TOUGHER QUESTIONS ON A COMEDY SHOW THAN THE REAL MODERATOR.”

“OF COURSE THE FOUNDERS WERE SMART ENOUGH TO PUT ENOUGH FLEXIBILITY THERE INTO THE CONSTITUTION, SO’S THAT THE VICE PRESIDENT HAS THE POWER TO DESTROY THE CONSTITUTION.” 

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Parody is poetry, with Palin at the bat.

“I’M NOT GONNA’ RESPOND TO THE CRISIS ABOUT THE MIDDLE EAST INSURRECTION; INSTEAD I’M GONNA’ DEAL WITH … A HOCKEY MOM’S YEAST INFECTION.”

“AND THAT’S PRECISELY WHY JOHN McCAIN IS A MAVERICK; HE RESERVES THE RIGHT TO ABORT MY CANDIDACY WHEN I SEEM TO GO INTO THE FETAL POSITION.”

[Nico Pitney with the story at Huffington Post.]

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BLOGWORTHIES:

Dave Letterman on the Palin Debate Recap, at One Good Move.

P.M. Carpenter at BuzzFlash on Down Goes McCain.

Madkane on a Do-Over Supreme Court Test For Palin?

Lisa Casey with Bush’s Real Mission Accomplished.

“GEE WALLY, DOESN’T IT KINDA’ SUCK THE REPUBLICAN CANDIDATES HAVE THE PERSONALITY AND CHARACTER OF EDDIE HASKELL.”

“JOHN McCAIN IS NOT UNDER BUSH-IET DOMINATION.”

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P.M. Carpenter at BuzzFlash on Rain Woman Palin.

Wasting no time, the late-night comics weigh in with the Vice Presidential Debate Jokes, via Dan Kurtzman.

Juan Cole on the VP Non-Debate.

And another true sign of the Apocalypse?  Faithful See Virgin Mary’s Image in Toilet Bowl – at One Good Move.