“ONCE WE CLEAN UP THIS SCUM, WE MAY JUST ALLOW THEM TO SWEEP THE STREETS OF SADR CITY.”

10. Rudy announces plan to put Joe Torre in his Cabinet, presumably to¬†order a “Hit and Run” on Iran.

¬†9. Hillary expresses great relief that the Yankees and Cubs are eliminated — and thus escapes having¬†to¬†”straddle the bleachers.”

 8. Huckabee and Brownback claim the game did not evolve from Britain, but came directly from God.

 7. Barack a White Sox fan, but secretly idolizes Derek Jeter.

¬†6. Romney, citing the faith of his Mormon fathers, supports bringing back the Sunday “doubleheader.”

 5. Bill Richardson claims that if he could negotiate with Kim Jong-il, he could do battle with super-agent Scott Boras.

 4. John  McCain wants expansion teams in Baghdad and Basra. (As if pitching is not Shiite enough?)

 3. Joe Biden has a plan to further partition the American and National Leagues. (Could you trade a Sunni to the Kurd Division?)

¬†2. Fred Thompson asserts he’s the only candidate big enough to play Babe Ruth in a made-for-televison movie.

¬†1. John Edwards supports more radical revenue sharing — higher surtaxes on the Yankees, to lift the Tampa Bay Devil Rays out of perpetual poverty.

 

 

 

 

 

“ANDERSON, THE PROBLEM IS THE RESOURCE-STARVED SUNNIS WANT REFINED OLIVE OIL, THE SHIITES ARE LOBBYING FOR ‘EXTRA VIRGIN’ OLIVE OIL, AND THE KURDS …¬†WELL, THE¬†KURDS JUST WANT A SLICE OF TURKEY.”¬†

Background on the latest “good news” here.

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BLOGWORTHIES:

What, Me Torture?, by Lisa Casey, and Torturing the Truth, at PDB.

Is Rove’s Loyalty Roving?, via Madkane.

And good stuff always, at BartCop Entertainment.

“THE WAY THINGS ARE GOING NOW, THIS COULD RUN ON PBS FOR THE NEXT 1300 YEARS. AND THERE’LL ALSO BE BREAKS FOR FUND DRIVES, WITH ‘COUSIN BRUCIE’ SELLING BLACKWATER’S GREATEST ‘HITS’.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

Mark Karlin: Burma, Darfur and Democracy — The Bush Betrayal.

Bill Maher’s Latest New Rules, via Norm Jenson.

John McCainiac’s latest: Constitution Established a Christian Nation, at C&L.

 

 

 

AFTER ALL, BAGHDAD IS THE NEW “NO-TOWN.”¬†

THERE’S NO “DANCING IN THE STREET.”

[Background piece at Progressive Daily Beacon.]

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BLOGWORTHIES:

SECDEF Gates as the BuzzFlash GOP Hypocrite of the Week.

Jon Stewart on Dubya’s healthcare disconnect, at One Good Move.

Crooks & Liars on MoveOn.org’s Response to Senate.

Skippy’s I Dream of Jena.

“OVERCOMING APARTHEID WAS ONE THING, BUT THOSE CRAZY-ASS SHIA AND SUNNIS WILL NEVER GET THEIR SHIT TOGETHER.”¬†

Background story at Think Progress.

“FIRST, WE BET ON THE SHIA, THEN WE PUT OUR MONEY ON THE SUNNIS … COME ON,¬†MALIKI, HALLIBURTON NEEDS NEW CRUDE.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

Norm Jenson with John Edwards on Lobbyists.

Haiku, on AG’s Adieu, via Madkane.

Bluegal at C&L, on the decline of health coverage, and Mahablog on “We Are All Uninsured Now.”

“THAT CLOWN WHO WAS TALKING ABOUT THE FOLLY OF TOPPLING SADDAM WAS SUCH A GRAVE NATIONAL SECURITY THREAT, THAT WE¬†HAD TO LITERALLY ‘BRAINWASH’ HIM — OTHERWISE KNOWN AS ‘WATERBOARDING’.”

The transcript¬†of Cheney’s bout of ’94 sanity, and the video.

Speaking of which, BuzzFlash asks: Is Mitt Romney Brainwashing Us?

And based on Romney’s “Dog-Boarding” habits, Perrspective¬†asks:¬†Is there a Romney-Vick ticket in our future?

Dan Kurtzman with The Week’s Best Late-Night Jokes.

Reaffirming their strong conservative, Reaganite credentials, the entire field of Republican Presidential candidates today rejected calls¬†for increased¬†federal spending to repair the nation’s roads and bridges, and instead proposed a¬†market-based “individual voucher program.”

Claiming that public spending on infrastructure smacks of Soviet-style socialism, the GOP candidates explained that the wealthiest citizens in a capitalist society should be able to build and control their own tunnels, roads and bridges.

Rudy Giuliani, for example, emphasized that his tenure as Mayor of New York City would have been a lot more enjoyable had he been able to keep working class blacks and Latinos off the bridges and out of Manhattan.

Giuliani added that wife Judith (not “Judi” as in “Rudy”) also wanted her own highway just for her Louis Vuitton handbag.

Mitt Romney also spoke in favor of the “voucher system,” explaining that while Mormons have no problem sharing spouses, they believe in having their own HOV lanes as part of their personal¬†path to¬†heaven.

Presented with a question as to whether such¬†proposals would discriminate against the middle class and poor, Romney explained that such folks¬†would still have access¬†¬†to the “Adopt-a-Highway” programs.¬†¬†

Tom Tancredo, the most vociferous anti-immigration candidate, also proposed vouchers and tax credits, not for roads or bridges, but for individuals to build their own walls and fences against the invading hordes.

However,¬†John McCain, ever trying to posture¬†himself as the most hawkish candidate,¬†proposed that the voucher program be extended to¬†Iraq,¬†which by all accounts has to be considered¬†the ultimate¬†”bridge to nowhere.”

 

“WE JUST WANTED TO GIVE OUR GOOD FRIENDS THE SAUDIS ONE MORE WAY TO ‘KICK’ US IN THE ASS IN IRAQ.”

“SINCE WE WERE HUMILIATED IN THE ASIAN CUP SOCCER FINAL,¬†THE DEAL INVOLVES NOT JUST ‘ARMS’, BUT ‘LEGS’.”¬†

Background stories on the soccer, and the Saudi meeting.