The Satirical Political Report

"The Best Political REAM
on the Internet."



January 22nd, 2009

Chief Justice Explains His Constitutional Theory of ‘Strict Split Infinitive Construction’

“IT’S NOT THE ORIGINAL INTENT OF THE FRAMERS, BUT THE INTENTIONS OF THE EDITORS OF THE TEXAS LAW REVIEW MANUAL ON STYLE. THAT’S WHY WE FEDERALIST SOCIETY CONSERVATIVES BOLDLY GO WHERE NO JUSTICE HAS GONE BEFORE.”

Norm Jenson has the story on the Chief Grammarian and the Oaf of Office.

January 21st, 2009

Transcript Reveals GEORGE W. BUSH Took the Wrong Oath of Office

“I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully make moot the laws of the United States, and will, to the best of my nerve, neglect and end the Constitution of the United States.”

December 5th, 2008

Bush Admits to Charlie Gibson He Was Unprepared for ‘Law’

“CHARLIE, YA’ KNOW, WHEN I TOOK OFFICE, I HAD NO IDEA I WAS EXPECTED TO FOLLOW THE CONSTITUTION, OR EVEN ANY OF THOSE,  WHADDYA’ CALL ‘EM … CONGRESSIONAL STATUES.”

Story at HuffPost.

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BLOGWORTHIES:

The pitfalls on Chris Matthews’ road to the Senate, by Chad at BuzzFlash.

Uncle Sam’s got a brand new bag, by Lisa Casey.

The Daily Show’s Clusterfuck to the Poor House, at One Good Move.

November 25th, 2008

New Legal Theory Supports Obama’s Immediate Succession To Presidency

“WOLF, UNDER THIS ARGUMENT, BUSH AND CHENEY HAVE ALREADY DESTROYED THE CONSTITUTION, SO HOW CAN THEY POSSIBLY RELY ON THAT SAME CONSTITUTION TO CLING TO POWER?”

November 4th, 2008

McCain Turns to Federalist Society to Salvage His Campaign

“WE’LL BE FILING A SUIT ON BEHALF OF JOHN McCAIN, ASSERTING THAT UNDER THE ORIGINAL INTENT OF THE CONSTITUTION, THE VOTES OF AFRICAN-AMERICANS SHOULD ONLY BE COUNTED THREE-FIFTHS.”

October 4th, 2008

Palin’s Advice: Put MORE Vice in the Vice Presidency

“OF COURSE THE FOUNDERS WERE SMART ENOUGH TO PUT ENOUGH FLEXIBILITY THERE INTO THE CONSTITUTION, SO’S THAT THE VICE PRESIDENT HAS THE POWER TO DESTROY THE CONSTITUTION.” 

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Parody is poetry, with Palin at the bat.

July 8th, 2006

I LIKE THOSE OLD TIME BILL OF RIGHTS

Thank you, Bob Seger, for the inspiration:

Just take the Constitution off the shelf

I’ll sit and read the whole thing by myself

Today’s “freedoms” ain’t got the same bite

I like those old time Bill of Rights

 

Don’t try to take me down to Gitmo

You’ll never bust me on the Patriot Law

I know Cheney’s got his ear to my door

I like those old time Bill of Rights

 

Still like those old time Bill of Rights

Before the NSA made me uptight

The ACLU will fight the fight

To save the old time Bill of Rights

 

Won’t let them listen on my cell phone

I’d rather meet you in the dead of the night

Ya’ gotta make sure you just keep outta’ sight

Cause they believe in ”might makes right”

Call me a liberal, call me what you will

I said “fuck Clarence, love Anita Hill”

Today’s Supreme Court is a total blight

We may have lost the Bill of Rights

 

Still like those old time Bill of Rights

Just keep your torture and rendition flights

They’re now issuing warrants-lite

I miss those old time Bill of Rights

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BLOGWORTHIES:

BuzzFlash Analysis on Dems: Clueless Again?

Crooks & Liars: GOP’S Hoekstra complains about Administration’s disregard of Congressional oversight.

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