The Satirical Political Report » congress

Congressional Dems Vow to Push Tax Cut Vote, After They’re Pushed Out of Congress

Don Davis — Sun, 26 Sep 2010 23:58:46 +0000

“ONCE WE’RE FORCED OUT WE WON’T HAVE TO SORRY ABOUT REPUBLICAN FILIBUSTERS, AND WE UNDERSTAND THERE’S A NEED FOR VETERAN LEADERSHIP IN MANY HIGH SCHOOL MODEL CONGRESSES.”

Obama Makes Recess Appointment of ‘Recess Coach’

Don Davis — Sun, 28 Mar 2010 02:34:08 +0000

“MY GOAL IS TO MAINTAIN CLOSE SUPERVISION OF THE BULLYING REPUBLICANS WHILE THEY’RE AWAY FROM CONGRESS, WHERE THEY’RE LIKELY TO DO MORE EVEN MORE HARM THAN WHEN THEY’RE IN CONGRESS.”

GOP Senator Puts a Hold On the Earth’s Rotation

Don Davis — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 17:01:10 +0000

“NOW, AHM NOT ADMITTIN’ THE JUNK SCIENCE THAT THE EARTH ACTUALLY ROTATES, BUT AH WILL KEEP THIS COUNTRY IN DARKNESS UNTIL MY HOME STATE COMPANY IS AWARDED THE FEDERAL LIGHT BULB CONTRACT .”

Wall St., Having Already Spent Bonuses/TARP Funds, to Repay U.S. in Drugs and Hookers

Don Davis — Sat, 31 Jan 2009 05:05:27 +0000

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�� JOHN THAIN

“THIS MAY BE THE FIRST CASE WHERE THE�THE PRIVATE SECTOR STIMULATES THE�GOVERNMENT.�AND THE FIRST�CASE WHERE WE�FINALLY STIMULATE�REAL BIPARTISANSHIP.”

[Lisa Casey weighs in with Wall St. Whineries.]

Bush Admits to Charlie Gibson He Was Unprepared for ‘Law’

Don Davis — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 18:39:52 +0000

“CHARLIE, YA’ KNOW, WHEN I TOOK OFFICE, I HAD NO IDEA I WAS EXPECTED TO FOLLOW THE CONSTITUTION, OR EVEN ANY OF�THOSE, �WHADDYA’ CALL ‘EM … CONGRESSIONAL�STATUES.”

Story at HuffPost.

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BLOGWORTHIES:

The pitfalls on Chris Matthews’ road to the Senate, by Chad at BuzzFlash.

Uncle Sam’s got a brand new bag, by Lisa Casey.

The Daily Show’s Clusterfuck to the Poor House, at One Good Move.

Forget the Auto Execs’ Trip To D.C., It’s the Planned TRIP BACK That’s Shocking

Don Davis — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 00:25:03 +0000

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“SENATOR, IN ORDER TO MAKE ENDS MEET, WE’RE GOING TO DRAG�THOUSANDS OF EMPTY BOTTLES BACK TO MICHIGAN,�SO WE CAN TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ITS 10 CENTS DEPOSIT LAW.”

Auto Executives Return to D.C. in Flintstones Car

Don Davis — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 03:24:39 +0000

“YES, SENATOR, THIS SHOULD PROVE THAT WE’RE READY,�WILLING AND ABLE TO GET BACK ON OUR FEET, ALTHOUGH WE CAN’T IMMEDIATELY WEAN OURSELVES OFF FOSSIL FUELS.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

Guess Who’s Still Crazy After All These Years, by Lisa Casey.

Now Hiring: No Grudges in Barack Obama’s HR Approach –�at BuzzFlash.

Sweeping Bush Rule to Limit Abortion, Birth Control Access,�at Perrspectives.

Congress Asks Auto Execs to Use Park-and-Ride

Don Davis — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 16:43:42 +0000

“YES, SENATOR, WE WOULD’VE TAKEN THE BUS FROM DETROIT, BUT BY THE TIME WE ARRIVED IN WASHINGTON, DETROIT WOULD’VE BEEN GONE.”

Dems Reward Lieberman with Chairmanship of ‘Homeboy Security Committee’

Don Davis — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 18:48:39 +0000

“MY DEMOCRATIC COLLEAGUES�SAID THAT SINCE I REPEATEDLY QUESTIONED BARACK OBAMA’S PATRIOTISM�DURING THE CAMPAIGN, I WAS UNIQUELY QUALIFIED TO WATCH HIS BACK.”

Fearing Electoral Blowout, GOP Employs Cheney to Preach ‘Checks and Balances’

Don Davis — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 03:25:07 +0000

“ONCE YOU GET THE DEMOCRATS CONTROLLING EVERYTHING, NEXT THING ‘YA KNOW, THEY’RE RECKLESSLY PUTTING OUT ALL THE FIRES WE STARTED OVER THE LAST EIGHT YEARS.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

BuzzFlash’s P.M. Carpenter on Sarah Palin’s Impossible Dream.

Bill Maher’s New Rules, at One Good Move.

Juan Cole on the U.S.’s Syrian raid.

Dan Kurtzman’s Political Cartoons of the Week.