“ACTUALLY, THE WAY THAT SONUVABITCH BENEDICT ARNOLD HAS ACTED, I’M STARTING TO RECONSIDER THE CHURCH’S BAN ON ABORTION.”

“I’VE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH THESE GOP BACK-STABBING WEASELS — NOW IT’S TIME FOR ME TO MAKE THEM LITERALLY DISAPPEAR.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

P.M. Carpenter nails the math with Gregg + Bipartisanship = Zero.

BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin interviews Greg Mitchell on the Obama Victory, and the Vital Role Played by the New Media.

Happy Birthday Charles Darwin, via Norm Jenson.

“I’M FINISHED PLAYING AROUND. I MEAN I PLAN TO LITERALLY LOCK THEM INTO A CABINET — I THINK DICK CHENEY’S OLD SAFE IS PROBABLY SUFFICIENT FOR THE JOB.”

Following his termination by MSNBC and CBS radio, things just keep getting worse for the “I-Man.” In the ultimate example of life imitating art — in this case, the infamous Seinfeld “butler episode” –¬†the FCC has sentenced Don Imus to serve a¬†one-year term¬†as Gwen Ifill’s “cleaning woman.”

Based on the Biblical principle of “an eye for an eye,” the FCC — comprised mostly of Regent University graduates –¬†concluded that this was the most apt punishment for a man who himself once characterized¬†Ms. Ifill, an African-American reporter, as a “cleaning lady.”

Consequently, as retribution for breaking his 2000 pledge to steer clear of racist remarks — made to¬†Clarence Page, another African-American reporter — Imus will literally be using Lemon Pledge.

Imus has also been ordered to mop up the sweat from the¬†gym floor during the¬†practices of the Rutgers women’s basketballers, as well as to tend to all of their¬†hair needs.¬†

Although¬†Al Sharpton asked Ms. Ifill if she would lend him¬†Imus,¬†she¬†adamantly refused, “because¬†he’s¬†my¬†cleaning lady.”¬† Ms. Ifill reportedly also told Sharpton “to clean up his own messes.”

Asked how¬†Imus¬†did on his first day on the job, Ms. Ifill stated that the “the I-Man is a pretty good cleaner,¬†but he’s not too bright or articulate.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

Dave Zirin at BuzzFlash: Why Don Imus Is Now a Man Without a Job.

Lisa Casey on the missing emails.

Impeach – Time is Running Out, at PDB.

Webb Blasts McCain, at Crooks & Liars.