The Satirical Political Report

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April 26th, 2009

Dick Cheney Endorses the ShamWow for Waterboarding

“AND BEST OF ALL, WHEN IT COMES TO WATERBOARDING, YOU CAN USE THIS AMAZING CLOTH OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN …. HEY CAMERAMAN, DON’T WORRY IF YOU MISS A SHOT, I’LL BE HAPPY TO DEMONSTRATE THIS ALL DAY LONG.”

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Waterboarding meets the Water Pik, at All Hat No Cattle.

Madkane on Rick Perry’s tortured logic, in Secession? Did I Say Secession?

April 25th, 2009

GOP: Release of ‘Torture Memos’ Poses Threat to Our Tortured Logic

AS THE REST OF THE WORLD SEES THAT HACK REPUBLICAN LAWYERS TORTURED THE LAW, THE ENTIRE PHILOSOPHY OF OUR PARTY WILL BE STRIPPED BARE LIKE A DETAINEE AT ABU GHRAIB.”

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BuzzFlash Editor Mark Karlin on Murder He Wrote: Why Aren’t Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld Being Prosecuted? 

Madkane on the GOP: They Only Have Themselves To Blame.

Juan Cole on the Pakistan Crisis and Social Statistics.

April 25th, 2009

Forget the Torture of Terrorist KSM, Bushies Waterboarded KFC

“WE REALLY HAD NO CHOICE … THE OLD FUCKER REFUSED TO GIVE UP HIS SECRET RECIPE OF 11 MIDDLE EASTERN HERBS AND SPICES.”

April 23rd, 2009

Forget Bootleg DVDs, China Complains About U.S. Piracy, of Torture Manuals!

“WE’LL BE FILING A CLAIM WITH THE WORLD TRADE ORGANIZATION SEEKING ROYALTIES FOR THE LAST 59 YEARS, GOING ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE KOREAN WAR.”

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They were following orders,” by Lisa Casey.

John Boehner admits it’s torture – at Crooks & Liars.

Norm Jenson has The Daily Show’s hilarious The Stockholm Syndrome Part 1 and Part 2.

April 23rd, 2009

Holy Valerie Plame! Dick Cheney ‘Outs’ Himself

“THE ONLY REASON TO EMERGE FROM THE DARKNESS … IS TO PERPETUATE THE DARKNESS.”

April 22nd, 2009

Cheney Finally Reveals the ‘High-Value’ Info Obtained from Waterboarding

“WE FOUND THAT IF THE DETAINEE HAD TUNA FOR LUNCH, WE’D HAVE TO WAIT AT LEAST 20 MINUTES BEFORE WATERBOARDING TO AVOID DROWNING HIM. BUT IF WE FORCED HIM TO FIRST EAT A HOT DOG, THE WATERBOARDING HAD TO BE DELAYED FOR 20 HOURS.”

Christine Bowman at BuzzFlash: For Torture Poster Boy and Advocate Dick Cheney, Darth Vader* Is Too Kind a Nickname. 

Lisa Casey on the Bushwellian tortured-talk.

Madkane on Rudy’s Family Values.

April 21st, 2009

Clarence Thomas Conducts Live Re-Enactment of ‘School Strip-Search’

“I STILL REFUSED TO ASK ANY QUESTIONS AT ORAL ARGUMENT, BUT I DID CONDUCT MY OWN PERSONAL WRIT OF SEARCH-IORARI.”

The real story here.

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And on the big CIA torture story:

P. M. Carpenter at BuzzFlash on Obama’s long and labored path to doing the right thing.

Jon Perr on the GOP’s Seinfeld Defense of Torture.

Lisa Casey on the irrepressible Dickster.

April 20th, 2009

CIA Also Repeatedly Waterboarded Batman Villain: ‘Pruneface’

“I ACTUALLY STARTED OUT AS THE ‘RIDDLER,’ BUT THEY WERE BECOMING PRETTY FRUSTRATED WITH THE ANSWERS THEY WERE GETTING FROM ME.”

Story at Emptywheel.

Madkane on Yet Another Ode To Republican Hypocrisy.

A different kind of “black tea,” at All Hat No Cattle.

Dan Kurtzman with The Week in Political Cartoons.

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