“I CAN’T TELL YOU HOW MANY TIMES I GOT STUCK IN THOSE NARROW SLIDES, AND HAD TO BE PLOWED OUT.”

“I TOLD THAT FAT FUCKER: ‘NEVER GO AGAINST THE  RIVER RAIL PROJECT, OR YOU’LL BE SLEEPING WITH THE FISHES UNDER THE HUDSON RIVER’.”

“NOT ONLY DOES SNOOKI REPRESENT NEW JERSEY’S IDEA OF A RACE TO THE TOP, BUT SHE’S GOOD WITH NUMBERS, SINCE SHE AT LEAST KNOWS WHAT EXIT SHE’S AT ON THE JERSEY SHORE.”

Story here.

“AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT … THE MINISTRY OF FAT WALKS, A SPANISH INQUISITION TORTURE WITH A BIG MAC, AND AN OBESE LUMBERJACK WHO WEARS WOMEN’S CLOTHES AND HAS SEX WITH A DEAD PARROT.”

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Story and video at Huffington Post

“EVEN THOUGH A LOSS TO JON CORZINE IN THE NEW JERSEY GUBERNATORIAL RACE MAY SIGNAL THE TWILIGHT OF MY CAREER, I’LL STILL BE PREPARED TO … ‘SERVE’ THIS MAN.”