“UNDER THIS NEW LEGISLATION, ALL RIGHT WING ‘BORN-AGAINS’ RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT WILL HAVE TO PRODUCE … TWO DIFFERENT BIRTH CERTIFICATES.”

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Norm Jenson with Bill Maher – the best New Rules ever?

Bill Moyers and Michael Winship at BuzzFlash: Obama’s Health Care Struggle — Waterloo or Water Down?

Mac Johnson, the slugging outfielder from the Texas Rangers, has demanded a trade from the only team he’s ever played for, in order to put more distance between himself and his family.

Johnson, who’s married with four kids, and has both his parents and in-laws living with him in Arlington, claims that being too “close” to his family is adversely affecting¬†both his on-field performance, as well as his “extra-curricular” activities.

“It’s hard to take full advantage of my celebrity and wealth when my old lady is waiting up for me after games,” Johnson explained.¬† “And even when she’s fallen asleep, my damn mother-in-law¬†is usually first getting up when I try to sneak in around 4:30 a.m.”

Johnson also complained that he’s sick and tired of his kids waking him up when he’s¬†hungover,¬†and that helping¬†them with their homework before he leaves for night games takes away precious¬†time for¬†film study of opposing pitchers.

Johnson indicated that he had considered filing for divorce, but that his agent had advised him that that type of “free agency” would actually cost him millions.¬†

Johnson’s wife went on record as saying that she had no problem with his trade request, adding only that she reserved her right to play with¬†a DH — a “Designated Husband.”