“THE PREAMBLE TO THE CONSTITUTION PROVIDES: ‘EVERY PERSON OF WEALTH AND MEANS HAS THE RIGHT TO SCREW PERSONS OF LESSER MEANS, IN THE PURSUIT OF THEIR OWN HAPPINESS’.”

“I’M PREPARED TO ASSIST THE WARDEN WITH HIS OWN PERSONAL FINANCES, MANAGE THE PRISON’S BOOKS AND RECORDS, AND COLLECT ALL THE MONEY FOR THE INMATES’ MARCH MADNESS POOL. ”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

Chad Rubel at BuzzFlash on Meghan McCain: New young face, but no new ideas.

Madkane: GOP Can’t Walk and Chew Gum in Arguing Obama  Can’t Walk and Chew Gum.

Bush’s Preemptive Failure, at All Hat No Cattle.

Norm Jenson with Colbert’s The Word – Rand Illusion.

Juan Cole on the gathering storm in Pakistan.

I met my old Party
In the gutter last night
They seemed so glad to see my …
Running mate
And we talked about my sell-out
And we drank to spreading fears
NOW crazy, after all these years
Oh, right-wing crazy after all these years

I’m not the kind of man
Who tends to go Church
I used to lean on
Some moderate centrist ways
But I’m now a fool for wingnuts
That whisper in my ears
NOW crazy, after all these years
O’Reilly crazy, after all these years

Barely forty percent, mourning
Evangelical fawning
Throwing my career, a-way
Sarah doesn’t worry
Why should she?
Alaska’s gonna secede

Now I sit, in my campaign bus
And I see the cards
I guess I won’t do some damage
If things go Obama’s way
But I WOULD CLEARLY BE  CONVICTED
By a jury of my peers
NOW crazy, after all these years
O’Reilly crazy …
NOW crazy …
NOW crazy … after all these years

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BLOGWORTHIES:

Standing Athwart the Conservative Mess, by P.M. Carpenter at BuzzFlash.

Yeah, Greenspan, Where’s Your Ayn Rand Now? — at One Good Move.

Country First? – at All Hat No Cattle

Madkane on Sarah the “Intellectual?”

                              THE TRUE GIBBERISH CZAR

“DOGGONE IT, YOU BETCHA’ THAT BY FOLLOWING THE AYN RAND LIBERTARIAN PHILOSOPHY, AND COMPLETELY ABANDONING ANY REASONABLE  REGULATIONS OF THE DERIVATIVES MARKET, WE CAN COUNT ON WALL STREET TO POLICE ITSELF…. IN OTHER WORDS, I CAN SEE MARKET STABILITY FROM MY BATHTUB.”

The New York Times with the story.

Fed up with almost 60 years of hostility from her nihilistic neighbors, Israel has finally withdrawn from Israel, and did what most other Jews do as they approach their seventh decade: retire to Florida.

However, even this move was condemned as a hostile action by the Arab world, since Israel’s departure from the Middle East seriously threatens the region’s second largest cottage industry, terrorism.

Consequently, Hezbollah began to export its terror tactics abroad, by attempting an attack on Boca Raton at 4:30 p.m. yesterday. The operation was timed to coincide, for maximum impact, with the Jewish High Holiday of Early Bird Special.

Hezbollah’s leader, Sheik Hassan Nasrallah, stated that while the Arab Nation “still wanted to drive the Jews into the sea, we really didn’t have in mind the Boca Raton Resort & Beach Club.”

Serendipitously, the plot was foiled by a white-haired, white-shoed, white-belted octogenarian wearing a Members Only jacket in 98-degree heat, when he backed his Buick into a flatbed truck carrying men wearing flip-flops, bermuda shorts and black hoods, as they were leaving Costco after purchasing the extra-jumbo sized bag of fertilizer.

Costco itself is being investigated for systematically issuing its club cards in the names of Hamas, Hezbollah, and The Aryan Nation, and for not sounding alarm bells when the fertilizer was purchased without any coupons.

However, not all of the Hezbollah guerrillas were apprehended, as some escaped through Alabama and into Philadelphia, Missisisippi. This, in turn, led to massive air strikes by expatriate Israelis, who completely leveled that notoriously racist town, the first Israeli military action ever approved by the U.N.

Despite this military setback, Hezbollah continued to achieve political gains.¬† As a result of Florida’s seriously dysfunctional election system, Sheik Nasrallah was elected governor of the Sunshine State, after the United States Supreme Court stepped in and ruled that there was no obligation to count thousands of hanging voters.

Finally, in related news, Israeli commandos simultaneously launched a major ground “offensive” against Mel Gibson.

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BLOGWORTHIES:

BuzzFlash’s¬†Bush as Lord of the Flies.¬†

Skippy on Lieberman campaign.

All Hat No Cattle’s Bush Armageddon edition.