“A SPOKESMAN FOR GM ISSUED A STATEMENT TODAY, SAYING: ‘IT’S CHEAPER FOR US TO JUST HAND YOU THIS TEMP JOB … INSTEAD OF ACTUALLY PICKING UP YOUR CAR PAYMENTS’.”

Huffington Post with the real story.

“NOW, CALM DOWN, MA’AM. I UNDERSTAND YOU LOCKED JOHN BOEHNER, ERIC CANTOR AND MITCH McCONNNELL IN YOUR CAR, BUT IF YOU WANT WHAT’S BEST FOR THE COUNTRY,  JUST WALK AWAY AND FORGET THE WHOLE THING.”

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Norm Jenson has Noam Chomsky on the Economy.

GOP “Idea Men,” at All Hat No Cattle.

“AFTER OBAMA FORCED ME OUT, I DECIDED TO FOLLOW MY BUSINESS PHILOSOPHY OF ‘CREATING LEMONS OUT OF LEMONS,’ AND TO GO TO AN ORGANIZATION WHERE FAILURE IS REWARDED.”

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BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin on Rev. Moon’s Dispproportionate Influence on Big Media, and P.M. Carpenter on the “Resurrection” of Tim Geithner. 

Norm Jenson with the latest installments of Bill Maher’s New Rules, and The Sunday Funnies.

Lisa Casey on the Elephant in the Room.

Dan Kurtzman’s The Week in Political Cartoons.

’3 A.M. Phone Call Ad’ Wins Hillary the Presidency, of OnStar

Baseball Decrees the Steroid Age the ‘Shrunken Ball Era’

The Legend of Fred Thompson: A Politician Turned Actor Who Couldn’t Play a Candidate on TV

Evangelicals Claim Prop 8 Protects the Sanctity of Marriages Performed by Elvises in Vegas Chapels

Accused in Hate Crime Plea Bargains Down to ‘Spite’

Famed Photog Annie Leibovitz Uses Negatives to Capture McCain’s Campaign

Iraq Celebrates 5th Anniversary by Re-Gifting Democracy

Rudy Giuliani Reveals His Feet Are Two Different Sizes: a ’9′ and an ’11′

Co-Founder of Slinky Dies, After Falling Down Steps

Pollsters Admit Flaws in Methodology: ‘Exit Polls’ Conducted at Entrances

Sarah Palin Touts Her Experience as a ‘Closet Organizer’

Satirists Riot Over The New Yorker Obama Cartoon

Americans Strongly Believe in God, But One That Only Controls the Outcome of Sporting Events

Due to Snowstorm, Premature Ejaculation Clinic Operating on a 5 Minute Delay

Huckabee Declares He’s Ready to be President From ‘Day Six,’ Literally

Spitzer Scandal Spurs Call for Reform: Public Financing of Hookers

Christian Right Condemns Gay Adoption of Highways

FOX News Blames Obama for Nigerian Spam

Time-Life Issues the Definitive Collection of ‘Bush Scandals’

Sarah Palin Establishes a New ‘Crack in the WOODEN FLOOR’

Stood Up by ‘Joe the Plumber,’ McCain Campaigns with ‘Janitor in a Drum’

Iraqi Shoe Thrower Receives a ‘Seinfeld Sentence’ — Has to Serve as Bush’s Butler (and Shoeshine man)

A Sign of the Times: E*Trade Baby Leaps to Death From His Crib

McCain Claims ‘Multiple House Story’ Helps Him With Mormons

Sarah Palin Takes Phone Call from Napoleon Bonaparte

U.S. Finally Greeted as Liberators, by Wall Street

Lesson Learned: Auto Executives Make Return Trip to D.C. in Flintstones Car

An Ominous Sign for the GOP: Even Mars Turns Blue

Bush’s ‘Mission Accomplished’ Finally Realized: Iraq in Better Shape Than U.S.

Sarah Palin’s Greatest ‘Gift’ to America: Ruining Thanksgiving

Treasury Gives Bailout to Sperm Banks, to Inject Liquidity Into Frozen Markets

Blagojevich, Preparing for the Worst, Plans to Sell His Own ‘Seat’ in Jail

Conspiracy Theory of ‘Second Shoe Thrower’ Raised by Abdul-liver Stone

Bernie Madoff’s Fraud Reaches Beyond Jewish Community: Ran Pyramid Scheme in Egypt

House of Tudor Lays Claim to Vacant NY Senate Seat

Cheney Voices Concern Biden Will Diminish the ‘Vice’ in Vice Presidency

GOP Realizes Its Worst Nightmare: Black Man Elected to Lead U.S. Out of The Dark Ages

“SINCE SENATORS CORKER AND SHELBY OPPOSED MY REQUEST FOR A LOAN, LOOKS LIKE THE PRESENTS THIS YEAR ARE GONNA’ BE DELIVERED BY A FLEET OF TOYOTA TACOMAS.”

“WE’RE PREPARED TO ALLOW ALL UAW MEMBERS TO STAY EMPLOYED IN THE INDUSTRY, AT FULL SALARY, AS LONG AS THEY’RE WILLING TO SERVE AS CRASH TEST DUMMIES.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

The Republican Party: A marvel of missteps, by P.M. Carpenter at BuzzFlash.

This time, “Shit happens” TO Rumsfeld, at All Hat No Cattle.

Dan Kurtzman with Political Cartoons of the Week.

“IT’S NOT ENTIRELY TRUE — WE’D ALSO LIKE TO FUCK OVER THE WHOLE COUNTRY.”

“COMPARED TO THEIR COUNTERPARTS IN THE JAPANESE PARLIAMENT, IT’S CLEAR THAT THE U.S. CONGRESS IS VASTLY OVERPAID. WITH THREE DAY WORK WEEKS, BEING OUT OF SESSION HALF THE YEAR, AND SUBSIDIZED PENSIONS AND HEALTH CARE, THE AVERAGE SENATOR MAKES ABOUT $3000 PER HOUR…. AND FOR ALL THAT, THE GOP STILL TURNS OUT SHIT AMERICANS WON’T BUY.”

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GOP Senators should listen to their constituents who want to “Buy American” –by Chad Rubel at BuzzFlash.

Daily Show’s Holiday Wrap-Up and Colbert’s A Secular Christmas, at One Good Move.

And keeping with the holiday spirit, Madkane’s Declaring War On The “War On Christmas” Whine.

              KUTABARE! (Drop Dead)

KUKUTABARE! / SHINETABARE! / SHINE

“SENATOR, IN ORDER TO MAKE ENDS MEET, WE’RE GOING TO DRAG THOUSANDS OF EMPTY BOTTLES BACK TO MICHIGAN, SO WE CAN TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ITS 10 CENTS DEPOSIT LAW.”