Introduction

There are a lot of songs about religious holidays out there,

But not a single one about Atheism!

So I wrote a song for all those nice little atheist Kids, who don’t get to hear any atheist songs 

God help us, here we go:

Put away your faitheism, here comes atheism
Just because you’re secular, you shouldn’t have to risk your neckula

 Atheism is, the festival of Enlightenment,
 Unlike many religions, it doesn’t depend on crazy enfrightenment

So when you feel like the only kid in town, without a God-like idol,

Here’s a list of famous atheists, so you don’t feel sui-cidal:

 Ben Franklin and Thomas Edison, the Fathers of Invention,
 Also Sigmund Freud, who discovered anal retention

The Piano Man, Billy Joel, refused to join a sect
Now we know why Rodney Dangerfield, never got any respect

Angelina Jolie, astronomer Carl Sagan 
Put them together– not a bad-looking pagan [Sagan was really agnostic]

You don’t need a bar- mitzvah, or even baptizm 

Cause you can get blessed — by Richard Dawkins or Christopher Hitchens

Put away your faitheism, here comes atheism
Tell your friends the atheists, come out of the closet like the gaytheists

Many people think, that Atheists are wusses,
Just tell it to Bruce Lee, though dead, he’ll still kick you in your pusses

OJ Simpson, not an atheist, not that we can tell

But even atheists pray, that Juice is goin’ straight to hell!

 Some folks also claim that atheism’s looney

 They point to all the heathens, arranged on the desk of Andy Rooney

So many Atheists, are in show biz or the arts
They simply don’t believe, that thunder represents God’s farts

Tell your friend Huckabee, don’t be a shmuckabee
I hope you don’t get pissed, cause I’m a secular humanist

So eat your Jesus-shaped toast

And worship your plastic Buddha
I’ll just pray to Bill Maher

Who I’ve carved out of Gouda

Have a happy, happy, happy, happy, ATHEISM!