9. PLAYERS WOULD BE LEFT SCRAMBLING FOR PAINKILLERS PILFERED BY LIMBAUGH

8. RAMS’ ‘THROWBACK’ UNIFORMS WOULD BE WHITE HOODS

7. DEFENSIVE PLAYERS WOULD BLITZ  OWNERS’ BOX INSTEAD OF OPPOSING QUARTERBACK

6. RUSH WOULD ACCUSE INJURED PLAYERS OF ‘PULLING A MICHAEL FOX’

5. ICONIC RAMS’ HORN ON HELMET REPLACED BY ‘DITTOS’

4. AL FRANKEN PUBLISHES NEW BOOK: RUSH LIMBAUGH IS SENDING IN BIG FAT IDIOTIC PLAYS

3. PRE-GAME TAILGATING REPLACED BY TEABAGGING PARTIES

2.  FOR PRO BOWL SELECTIONS, RUSH ORDERS TEAM TO VOTE FOR HILARY CLINTON 

1. TO BOLSTER RUNNING GAME, LIMBAUGH URGES OFFENSIVE LINEMAN TO ‘BLOCK FOR THE MAGIC NEGRO’

And for changes to Rush’s radio program, Limbaugh crows that he’s finally achieved his life goal: To become a ‘MINORITY OWNER’

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BLOGWORTHIES:

BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin on Antonin Scalia and Glenn Beck: Just Two Degrees of Radical Separation.

Lisa Casey profiles the typical Limbaugh caller.

Jon Perr on some Nobel nominations for conservatives.

Dan Kurtzman with the complete round-up of Obama Nobel Jokes.

“WHY COUNT BULLETS WHEN WE NEVER COUNTED BALLOTS; ALL WE’RE REALLY INTERESTED IN IS THE ORIGINAL INTENT OF THE BARBARIANS.”

BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin with the Nino Indictment: Wanted for Murder: Antonin Scalia.

“IN THE WORDS OF THE GRAND AYATOLLAH NINO SCALIA … ‘FUCK THE VOTE’.”

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Stephen Colbert on the North Korean Nutjob, via One Good Move.

Madkane on Don’t Ask. Don’t Tell. Just Sign!

“WE WANT SOMEONE IN THE SCALIA MOLD WHO IS EMPATHETIC TO BIG BUSINESS, THE DESTRUCTION OF CIVIL RIGHTS AND LIBERTIES, AND MOST SIGNIFICANTLY … THE ORIGINAL INTENT OF THE HUNS.”

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Norm Jenson with Howard Kurtz’s interview of Bill Maher.

Dan Kurtzman with the The Week in Political Cartoons, and  The Cheney Bunch at All Hat No Cattle.

“RAHM, IF WE CAN JUST GET ROBERTS TO ADMINISTER THE OATH A COUPLA’ MORE TIMES, I MIGHT BE ABLE TO LAST LONG ENOUGH TO REPLACE SCALIA, THOMAS, ALITO … AND THE CHIEF JUSTICE HIMSELF.” 

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BLOGWORTHIES:

BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin: Of Al Gore’s Presidency Denied, Eight Years of Illegitimacy, and the Triumph of Meritocracy over Corrupt Entitlement.

Inaugural Humor Parade, via Dan Kurtzman.

“BETTER GET SCALIA AND THOMAS ON THE PHONE. WE’RE GETTIN’ FLUSHED FASTER THAN JOE THE PLUMBER’S CREDIBILITY.”

Story at  Crooks & Liars.