“SEE HERE, 007, IT’S KIND OF AN ‘ANTI-EJECTOR SEAT.’ AND GIVEN YOUR RIPE OLD AGE, THIS DEVICE MAY BE JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED TO CONTAIN BOTH YOU AND THE TERRORIST.”

“WE’LL BE CHANGING THE NAME OF THE ‘TSA’ TO ‘T & A’, AND PROVIDING FREE MAMMOGRAMS AND VIRTUAL COLONOSCOPIES.”

“IF TRUMAN HAD BEEN REALLY SERIOUS ABOUT THE WAR IN THE PACIFIC, HE WOULD’VE RIDDEN THE A-BOMB RIGHT DOWN TO HIROSHIMA.”

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Lisa Casey on Cheney Pretending He’s Not a Shameless Hypocrite, and Harry Shearer on Cheney’s Game.

“HELLO, AMERICAN EMBASSY?  I’M CALLING ABOUT MY SON,  LUKE SKYWALKER, WHO’S BECOME INVOLVED IN A RADICAL MOVEMENT.  MAYBE YOU SHOULD PLACE HIM ON THE NO-FLY LIST.”

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Healthcare Reform Poll at BartCopE!, and Lisa Casey on the woman who should be permanently grounded.

“AS  SOON AS THESE NEW PROCEDURES ARE IMPLEMENTED,  THE AMERICAN PEOPLE WILL NEVER AGAIN HAVE TO LIVE IN FEAR …  OF FAKE ROLEXES.”

“Hey, Leon, do  ya’ think an underwear bomber would go ‘through the gate,’ or go  ‘over-the-fence’ with the ‘no-fly zone’?”

“Don’t really matter, Larry. You just gotta’  get in that underwear bomber’s ass. You open that asshole up and you pull that asshole open, step inside, and spray paint that terrorist motherfucker’s ass. Fuck their whole assholes up. You eat those little airline peanuts, throw the tin foil bag on the ground. Then step out on their ass and leave that asshole wide open so those motherfuckers know you been there.”

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BuzzFlash Editor Mark Karlin deconstrusts the Primal Fear: Bush Terrorized Us and Al Qaeda Won.

“Permit me to inform you of my desire of going into business relationship with you. As a  wealthy Nigerian firecracker merchant being persecuted by my government, I must immediately transfer $25 million worth of M-80s to your bank account, since I am eager to help your children fully enjoy the next July 4th celebration.”