“OF COURSE WE WANT TO PROVIDE INSURANCE FOR THE UNBORN CHILD, BUT ANY HEALTH PROBLEMS THAT OCCUR AFTERWARDS HAVE TO BE EXCLUDED AS ARISING FROM THE PRE-EXISTING CONDITION OF BIRTH.”

 

“IT WAS A MUCH BETTER OPTION¬†THAN GOING TO PROSTITUTES. THERE, I COULD PAY FOR A ‘SEVEN DIAMOND’ GIRL, AND HAVE NO WAY OF KNOWING IF I¬†GOT ‘BAIT AND SWITCHED’¬†TO A TEN DOLLAR SKANK.”

 

“THE DAMNED FOOL WAS NO ‘ROUGH RIDER,’ BUT PREFERRED TO GO ‘BAREBACK.’¬†BULLY!”¬†¬†

 

“I GUESS I’D HAVE TO BE DOING IT IN AN AIRPLANE RESTROOM, TRAVELING INTERSTATE, TO BE ELIGIBLE FOR THESE BENEFITS.”

[Dan Kurtzman has the Eliot Spitzer Joke Round-Up.]

“IN FACT, NOW I CAN SEE WHAT INSPIRED HILLARY’S CAMPAIGN STRATEGIST TO WRITE ‘MICROTRENDS‘.”