The Satirical Political Report

"The Best Political REAM
on the Internet."



March 27th, 2013

What the Court’s Conservatives REALLY Think About Gay Marriage

Justice Scaliatv show webtetr

“WHAT I’M REALLY CONCERNED ABOUT IS ADOPTION BY GAYS; AREN’T THERE SOCIOLOGICAL STUDIES SHOWING THAT WHEN WE TRIED INTERRACIAL ADOPTION, WE JUST ENDED UP WITH BAD TELEVISION.”

supreme court justice samuel alito

“SHOULDN’T WE GO SLOW, AND HAVE AT LEAST 25 YEARS OF GAY PORN ON THE INTERNET BEFORE LEGALIZING GAY MARRIAGE? I’M NOT EVEN SURE THERE ARE CELL PHONE APPS FOR THAT YET.”

supreme court justice clarence thomas

“I JUST WOKE UP AND HEARD JUSTICE GINSBURG SAY SOMETHING ABOUT ‘SKIM MILK.’ TELL ME COUNSELOR, HAVE YOU EVER SEEN PUBIC HAIR ON A CARTON OF SKIM MILK?”

 

March 22nd, 2013

FOX News Hits New Low in Distorting Obama’s Israel Speech

Sean Hannity

Can you believe it, that an American President actually told the Israeli people: “Ich bin ein Berliner.”

Obama in Israel

March 21st, 2013

Mayor Bloomberg’s Latest Crusade Has Even Upper West Side Liberals Up in Arms

“FOR NOW ON, IF THE FAT LADY STILL WANTS TO SING AT THE OPERA, SHE’LL SIMPLY HAVE TO SHED AT LEAST 50 POUNDS.”

March 18th, 2013

Donald Trump ‘Credits’ His Immigration Policy To Led Zeppelin

We certainly don’t need any more immigrants from South of the Border, BUT we will welcome you here if :

You come from the land of the ice and snow,
From the midnight sun where the hot springs flow.

Story at TPM.

March 13th, 2013

White Smoke Goes Up, Over The Supreme Court!

“THIS JUST IN, JUSTICE ANTONIN SCALIA HAS ANNOUNCED HIMSELF AS THE NEW POPE, AND EXPLAINED THAT THE WHITE SMOKE REALLY INDICATES A TOTAL ABOLITION OF ALL LAWS TO PROTECT MINORITY VOTING RIGHTS.”

March 8th, 2013

C-Span Claims Devastating Hit By Rand Paul’s ‘Drone’

“IT WAS REALLY RELENTLESS; OUR OWN AMERICAN VIEWERS , ON OUR OWN SOIL, IN CAFES FROM SAN FRANCISCO TO HOUSTON, WERE DROPPING LIKE FLIES FROM THE UTTER STUPIDITY AND MONOTONY OF THESE WORDS …  THAT SEEMED TO JUST DROP LIKE BOMBS OUT OF NOWHERE FROM THE AIRWAVES.”

March 7th, 2013

Jeb Bush Wavers On His ‘Path’ to The White House

“I COULD TAKE THE LEGAL PATH AND TRY TO LEGITIMATELY WIN AN ELECTION … OR I COULD TAKE THE ILLEGAL PATH LIKE MY BROTHER, AND GET TO THE WHITE HOUSE WITH THE HELP OF THE SUPREME COURT.”

————————————————————————————————————————————————————–

Mark Karlin, of Buzzflash at Truthout, on  a National Disgrace: More U.S. Marijuana Arrests Than for Violence.

GOP’s Latest Attempt to Emasculate Obama, at All Hat No Cattle.

March 5th, 2013

Dennis Rodman Continues Diplomacy Tour With Visit to Hugo Chavez

“WHILE HE ALSO LOVED BASKETBALL, HE WAS REALLY MORE STIFF THAN MOBILE, BUT HE WAS SOMEWHAT HARD TO MOVE OUT OF THE LOW POST.”