The Satirical Political Report

"The Best Political REAM
on the Internet."



December 28th, 2012

NY Jets’ Humiliation of Tim Tebow Reaches Biblical Proportions

“WE’RE NOT STARTING HIM AT QUARTERBACK, LETTING HIM RUN THE WILDCAT, OR EVEN PLAY SPECIAL TEAMS…. BUT HE HAS BEEN ASSIGNED TO PLAY THE ROLE OF ‘DEVILS’ ADVOCATE’ DURING OUR TEAM PRAYER MEETING.”

December 26th, 2012

For SECDEF, Obama Ditches Chuck Hagel for Hegel

“IT’S ALL TOO APPARENT THAT IN THIS HIGHLY POLARIZED CLIMATE, THE ONLY NOMINEES WHO CAN PASS MUSTER ARE THE ONES WHOSE PUBLIC STATEMENTS AND WRITINGS ARE COMPLETELY INDECIPHERABLE TO CONGRESS.”

December 22nd, 2012

Here’s a Real Solution: Put Schools In Every NRA Office!

“NOW, WHILE THERE’S NO GUARANTEE THAT THIS WILL PREVENT EVERY INCIDENT OF STUPIDITY AND IGNORANCE, THAT’S NO EXCUSE FOR NOT TRYING TO AT LEAST MINIMIZE THE CONSTANT ASSAULT ON COMMON SENSE.”

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BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin: NRA Just the Tip of the Bullet When It Comes to Gun Fetishists.

Armored Backpacks at All Hat No Cattle.

Recommended Reading at BartCopE!

December 18th, 2012

Richard Engel Explains Why Syrian Soldiers Refused To Release Him

“THEY KEPT ASKING, ‘HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY BE A FOREIGN CORRESPONDENT, WHEN YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE A BRITISH ACCENT’.”

December 18th, 2012

NRA Offers Ban on Assault Weapons, in Video Games

WE’RE ALSO PREPARED TO CONCEDE THAT GLOBAL WARMING IS CREATED BY
ANIMATED CHARACTERS, AND THAT FEDERAL FUNDS SHOULD BE USED TO REBUILD ROADS AND BRIDGES IN GRAND THEFT AUTO.”

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Mark Karlin on The Heart of Darkness: The River of America’s Violence Runs Through Newtown.

The National Rifle Association is the problem – at All Hat No Cattle.

December 14th, 2012

GOP Senators Redirect Their Fire, From Susan Rice to Uncle Ben’s Rice

“WE THINK OUR BASE WILL BE SATISFIED AS LONG AS WE’RE ENGAGING IN CHARACTER ASSASSINATION OF SOMEONE WHO REMINDS THEM OF OBAMA,  PARTICULARLY WHEN THEY’LL EASILY BELIEVE THAT UNCLE BEN HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH BEN-GHAZI.”

December 10th, 2012

GOP Backs Off Medicare Attacks, Proposes Raising KINDERGARTEN Age to 67

“UNDER THIS PROPOSAL, WE DRASTICALLY CUT THE COST OF PUBLIC EDUCATION, GET RID OF 90% OF TEACHERS, AND CREATE A WHOLE NEW GENERATION OF IGNORAMUSES INCLINED TO VOTE FOR THE REPUBLICAN PARTY.”

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BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin on  Revenue Shortfalls, and Taxing Marijuana Instead of Prosecuting It.

Lisa Casey with How Good was David Petraeus?

Recommended Reads, at BartCopE!

December 5th, 2012

The Secret Fear That Drove GOP To Disable the UN Disabilities Treaty

GOP Senator Mike Lee

“THIS TREATY WOULD HAVE ACTUALLY MANDATED PREFERENTIAL TREATMENT FOR THE DISABLED, BY SUBSIDIZING THEIR TRADE-IN OF WHEELCHAIRS FOR EITHER BLACK HELICOPTERS, OR AT LEAST THE FULLY LOADED COUGAR 9000, THE ROLLS ROYCE OF WHEELCHAIRS USED BY STEPHEN HAWKING.”

December 2nd, 2012

GOP Accuses Susan Rice of Misleading Statements, on ‘The War on Xmas’

AMBASSADOR RICE CLAIMED THAT THE ATTACK WAS A  SPONTANEOUS REACTION TO THE TEDIUM OF THE CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS SPECIAL. AND EVER SINCE, WE’VE BEEN ON NATIONAL TELEVISION CRYING: WAA WAAA… WAAA WAAA WAAA WAAAA.”