“WE’RE NOT STARTING HIM AT QUARTERBACK, LETTING HIM RUN THE WILDCAT, OR EVEN PLAY SPECIAL TEAMS…. BUT HE HAS BEEN ASSIGNED TO PLAY THE ROLE OF ‘DEVILS’ ADVOCATE’ DURING OUR TEAM PRAYER MEETING.”

“IT’S ALL TOO APPARENT THAT IN THIS HIGHLY POLARIZED CLIMATE, THE ONLY NOMINEES WHO CAN PASS MUSTER ARE THE ONES WHOSE PUBLIC STATEMENTS AND WRITINGS ARE COMPLETELY INDECIPHERABLE TO CONGRESS.”

“NOW, WHILE THERE’S NO GUARANTEE THAT THIS WILL PREVENT EVERY INCIDENT OF STUPIDITY AND IGNORANCE, THAT’S NO EXCUSE FOR NOT TRYING TO AT LEAST MINIMIZE THE CONSTANT ASSAULT ON COMMON SENSE.”

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BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin: NRA Just the Tip of the Bullet When It Comes to Gun Fetishists.

Armored Backpacks at All Hat No Cattle.

Recommended Reading at BartCopE!

“THEY KEPT ASKING, ‘HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY BE A FOREIGN CORRESPONDENT, WHEN YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE A BRITISH ACCENT’.”

“WE’RE ALSO PREPARED TO CONCEDE THAT GLOBAL WARMING IS CREATED BY
ANIMATED CHARACTERS, AND THAT FEDERAL FUNDS SHOULD BE USED TO REBUILD ROADS AND BRIDGES IN GRAND THEFT AUTO.”

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Mark Karlin on The Heart of Darkness: The River of America’s Violence Runs Through Newtown.

The National Rifle Association is the problem – at All Hat No Cattle.

“WE THINK OUR BASE WILL BE SATISFIED AS LONG AS WE’RE ENGAGING IN CHARACTER ASSASSINATION OF SOMEONE WHO REMINDS THEM OF OBAMA,  PARTICULARLY WHEN THEY’LL EASILY BELIEVE THAT UNCLE BEN HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH BEN-GHAZI.”

“UNDER THIS PROPOSAL, WE DRASTICALLY CUT THE COST OF PUBLIC EDUCATION, GET RID OF 90% OF TEACHERS, AND CREATE A WHOLE NEW GENERATION OF IGNORAMUSES INCLINED TO VOTE FOR THE REPUBLICAN PARTY.”

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BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin on  Revenue Shortfalls, and Taxing Marijuana Instead of Prosecuting It.

Lisa Casey with How Good was David Petraeus?

Recommended Reads, at BartCopE!

GOP Senator Mike Lee

“THIS TREATY WOULD HAVE ACTUALLY MANDATED PREFERENTIAL TREATMENT FOR THE DISABLED, BY SUBSIDIZING THEIR TRADE-IN OF WHEELCHAIRS FOR EITHER BLACK HELICOPTERS, OR AT LEAST THE FULLY LOADED COUGAR 9000, THE ROLLS ROYCE OF WHEELCHAIRS USED BY STEPHEN HAWKING.”

“AMBASSADOR RICE CLAIMED THAT THE ATTACK WAS A  SPONTANEOUS REACTION TO THE TEDIUM OF THE CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS SPECIAL. AND EVER SINCE, WE’VE BEEN ON NATIONAL TELEVISION CRYING: WAA WAAA… WAAA WAAA WAAA WAAAA.”