The Satirical Political Report

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September 28th, 2012

Romney’s Secret Plan to Make ‘Lemonade’ Out of His 47% Remark

“THE WAY I SEE THINGS PLAYING OUT, I’LL PROBABLY GET ONLY ABOUT 47% OF THE VOTE … BUT THEN I’LL RUN TO THE SUPREME COURT AND CONVINCE MY FAVORITE JUSTICES THAT I’M A VICTIM, ENTITLED TO A GOVERNMENT HANDOUT OF THE ‘PRESIDENCY’.”

September 24th, 2012

Romney, on ’60 Minutes,’ Proposes to Cut Down Show by ’47 Minutes’

“SCOTT, THE WAY I LOOK AT IT, IF THERE ARE ONLY 13 MINUTES LEFT, THAT’S JUST ABOUT ENOUGH TIME FOR YOU GUYS TO INTRODUCE YOURSELVES AT THE BEGINNING OF THE PROGRAM, WITH NO TIME LEFT TO INVESTIGATE CORPORATE FRAUD AND ABUSE.”

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Will Durst For Buzzflash on How Bain Capital Would Handle the Romney campaign.

Lisa Casey on Rush Limbaugh’s “shrinkage.”

Recommended Reads at BartCope!

 

September 20th, 2012

In Desperate Attempt To Save Campaign, Romney Channels Abe Lincoln

“I CAN SCREW 47% OF THE PEOPLE 100% OF THE TIME, AND FAVOR THE 1% 100% OF THE TIME, BUT IT SEEMS I CAN’T FOOL ANYBODY ANY OF THE TIME.”

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Romney’s Five Lies on the War on the 47%, by BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin.

All Hat No Cattle on Romney’s latest immigration migration.

September 19th, 2012

Romney Refuses to Do SNL, Here’s The Skit He Turned Down

“IF YOU VOTE FOR ME, MITT FOLEY, I PROMISE TO CURE YOUR DEPENDENCE ON THE GOVERNMENT … BY TAKING AWAY YOUR VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER.”

September 18th, 2012

Jimmy Carter’s Grandson Reveals the Secret to Getting The Romney Fundraising Tape

“SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. KNOWING WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR GRANDFATHER WITH ‘DESERT ONE’ IN IRAN, YOU WEREN’T TAKING ANY CHANCES, SO YOU WENT IN THERE WITH 16 HELICOPTERS, BUT THE ROMNEY SUPPORTERS WERE SO  FREAKIN’ RICH, THEY DIDN’T EVEN NOTICE ANYTHING UNUSUAL.”

Story here.

September 17th, 2012

In ‘Part 2′ of Secret Tape, Romney Proposes The Forty-Seven-Per-Cent Solution

“SINCE THESE 47% ARE INCAPABLE OF CONTRIBUTING TO SOCIETY, PERHAPS THE ONLY SOLUTION IS TO GIVE  THEM ENOUGH COCAINE SO THAT THEY DON’T CARE ABOUT MOOCHING OFF THE GOVERNMENT FOR FOOD, MEDICINE AND SHELTER.”

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Mitt has good company, as  GOP Hill Staffer admits that GOP “Had Collectively Lost Its Mind” by 2010 – by Mark Karlin, Editor of Buzzflash at Truthout.

September 13th, 2012

It’s ROMNEY Who Apologizes, for Capital One Visigoths!

“YES, I REALIZED THEY SACKED A NUMBER OF OUR EMBASSIES AROUND THE WORLD, BUT THAT’S OK … AS LONG AS THEY’RE LOOKING TO SEE WHAT’S IN YOUR WALLET.”

September 12th, 2012

Obama DOES Apologize to World — For Mitt Romney!

“WE HAVE TO MAKE CLEAR TO THE WORLD, THAT THIS ‘THING’ FROM ANOTHER WORLD, IS AN ALL-WORLD ASSHOLE.”

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Mark Karlin, Editor of Buzzflash At Truthout:  Romney’s Incendiary Response to US Embassy Deaths Proves Him Incapable of Being Commander in Chief.

September 9th, 2012

Romney Makes Appeal To The Common Man: Claims Favorite Show is Jersey OFFshore

“I ESPECIALLY LOVE GTL — HITTING THE GYM IN SWITZERLAND WHILE I VISIT MY MONEY, TANNING IN THE CAYMANS, AND SENDING OUT MY LAUNDRY TO CHINA.”

Jersey Shore Final Season

September 6th, 2012

Paul Ryan Responds to Bill Clinton’s ‘It Takes Some Brass’ Comment

“BILL CLINTON’S COMMENTS ARE TOTALLY BULL.  AS AN AYN RAND DEVOTEE , MY BALLS ARE STRICTLY ON THE GOLD STANDARD.”

Story at  Think Progress.

Hugh Conrad For Buzzflash At Truthout on The Speech Obama Should Deliver: “I’ll Be Damned if I Let Them Do That Again!”

Lisa Casey with the stars of each political party.

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