1. Complains that the 4 o’clock tea and crumpets taste like they came from Seven Eleven
2. Asks the Queen if she puts her Corgis on the Roof of Royal Carriage
3. Asks which of the Beatles crossed Abbey Road in Mom Jeans
4. Mittster of Silly Talks Schedules Meeting With Minister of Silly Walks
5. Tells Londoner his teeth would be even worse under Obamacare.