The Satirical Political Report

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April 30th, 2012

Forget Seamus, Romney Offends Jewish Voters on ‘Fiddler On the Roof’

“OY! ALL I SAID WAS I’D REPLACE THE FIDDLER ON THE ROOF WITH A GERMAN SHEPHERD, PUT IN A CAR ELEVATOR INSTEAD OF THOSE LONG STAIRWAYS JUST GOING UP AND DOWN,  AND PERFORM A MORMON BAPTISM ON TEVYE.”

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BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin: The GOP Knows It Can Only Win the White House by Disenfranchising Voters.

An Economist Explains How to Make America Fair Again, at BartCopE!

Lisa Casey on John Boehner’s Doublespeak.

Madkane on The GOP Pitch.

April 29th, 2012

Obama Campaign Develops Slogan to Exploit Romney’s Dog Problem

“ANY MAN WHO WOULD PUT HIS DOG ON A CAR ROOF, WOULD NOT HESITATE TO THROW YOU UNDER THE BUS.”

April 28th, 2012

Romney: ‘I’ll Abolish Student Loans In Favor of Student Hedge Funds’

“THIS WAY, IF THE STUDENT UNDER-PERFORMS FOR EVEN A SEMESTER, THE HEDGE FUND HAS THE RIGHT TO COME IN AND SELL OFF ALL OF THEIR BOOKS, LAPTOPS, AND EVEN THEIR OBAMA ‘CHANGE’ POSTERS.”

April 25th, 2012

Mitt Romney Adopts His Own Unique Version of the ‘Dream Act’

“MY FERVENT HOPE IS THAT I CAN CONVINCE NOT ONLY HISPANIC VOTERS, BUT ALL AMERICANS, THAT EVERYTHING I SAID THE LAST SIX MONTHS WAS MERELY A DREAM.”

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Lisa Casey on Still cleaning up after Bush.

April 24th, 2012

Romney Seeks the Endorsement of Zelig

“I’M PRETTY GOOD AT CHANGING MY POSITIONS, BUT I FIGURED IF THIS ZELIG FELLOW CAN BECOME A NEGRO AND AN INDIAN CHIEF, PERHAPS HE CAN TEACH ME HOW TO ACTUALLY LOOK LIKE 99.9% OF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE.”

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Greg Palast at BuzzFlash on the Arrest of BP Scapegoat: Real Killers Walk.

Lisa Casey with more Cuba-phobia in Fla.

Recommended Reads at BartCopE!

April 23rd, 2012

Report: Mitt Romney Even Flip-Flopped on Missionary Position

“ACCORDING TO REPORTS FROM COLLEAGUES WHO SERVED AS MORMON MISSIONARIES WITH MITT ROMNEY, THEY CLAIM HE SOMETIMES FAVORED THE DOGGY POSITION, PARTICULARLY ON THE ROOFS OF CARS.”

April 22nd, 2012

Romney’s Outreach to Latino Voters Falls Flat As a Tortilla

“WELL, TO START WITH, OUR NEW FAMILY DOG IS NOT ONLY A CHIHUAHUA, BUT INSTEAD OF PUTTING HIM ON THE ROOF, WE’RE GONNA’ LET HIM DRIVE THE 27 FAMILY CARS.”

April 20th, 2012

Trying To Overcome ‘Cookiegate,’ Romney Meets With The Cookie Monster

“THOSE COOKIES YOU’VE GOT LOOK PRETTY DARN GOOD, BUT WHAT KIND OF CRAPPY BLOCK IS SESAME STREET TO LIVE ON?”

April 19th, 2012

The REAL Winners of the Phony Mommy Wars: Lesbians!

“YA’  SEE, IT JUST GOES TO SHOW THAT THIS WHOLE PROBLEM CAN SIMPLY BE SOLVED BY KIDS HAVING TWO MOMMIES — ONE TO WORK IN THE HOME, AND ONE TO WORK IN HOME  CONSTRUCTION.”

April 18th, 2012

Romney Explains His Common Bond With Ted Nugent: ‘Our Love of Animals’

“WHILE I  LIKE TO GIVE MY DOG THE BEST SEAT IN THE HOUSE UP ON THE CAR ROOF, ‘OLE TED HERE PREFERS CATS. IN FACT, HE JUST LOVES TO MAKE THE PUSSY PURR WITH THE STROKE OF HIS HAND.”

Ted Nugent’s Cat Scratch Fever Lyrics, and Lisa Casey with the Palin/Nugent 2012 Dream Team.

BartCopE! Links, including Paul Krugman and Robin Wells: “Economy killers: Inequality and GOP ignorance.”

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