The Satirical Political Report

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January 31st, 2012

Newt Goes After Moderator of Debate at Del Boca Vista, Phase II

“I CAN’T BELIEVE THAT THE VERY FIRST QUESTION YOU ASKED ME, IS IF I BELIEVE THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT SHOULD FORCE ALL STATES TO REQUIRE ‘EARLY BIRD DINNERS’.”

January 29th, 2012

Arizona Gov. Brewer ‘Doctors’ Tarmac Pic to Further Drive Amazon Sales

“I felt I could get the book to all the way to No. 1 , instead of just the top 10, if my base saw me giving Obama the middle finger.”

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A credible explanation for the hot-tempered Brew, at All Hat No Cattle.

January 28th, 2012

Newt Challenges ‘Man In The Moon’ for Leader of Lunar Colony

THE MAN IN THE MOON IS AN ALIEN DISCIPLE OF SAUL ALINSKY, WHO THREATENS OUR VERY FREEDOMS BY WATCHING OUR EVERY MOVE, AND CONTROLLING OUR DAILY TIDES.”

January 26th, 2012

Latest Poll: Newt’s ‘Campaign’ Against Saul Alinsky May Backfire

“BASED ON THE CONSTANT PUBLICITY PROVIDED BY NEWT GINGRICH, AND A LARGE TURNOUT AMONG JEWISH REPUBLICANS, IT LOOKS LIKE SAUL ALINSKY WILL ACTUALLY WIN THE FLORIDA GOP PRIMARY!”

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BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin on the Success of Occupy Wall St: The 99% Are the New Political Narrative.

Insider Trading by Congressional Insiders, at All Hat No Cattle.

Madkane’s Rick Santorum’s Acronym Antics.

Recommended Reads at BartCopE!

 

 

January 25th, 2012

Mitch Daniels’ SOTU Response: Give Me Another Chance to Wreck the Budget

“NOT ONLY DO I BELIEVE IN A ‘RIGHT TO WORK’ STATE, BUT I BELIEVE IN MY RIGHT TO WREAK HAVOC ON THE STATE OF THE ENTIRE NATION FOR A SECOND TIME.”

January 25th, 2012

Newt’s Response to Obama’s SOTU: Tax Breaks for Spilled MILFS

“IN OBAMA’S EUROPEAN SOCIALIST MINDSET, THE GOVERNMENT WOULD LIMIT HOW MANY MILFS RICH GUYS LIKE ME COULD SLEEP WITH, WHILE I WANT TO PROVIDE TAX INCENTIVIES FOR THE BLOW JOB CREATORS.”

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The Obama Spilled Milk joke here.

January 22nd, 2012

Romney Loses Iowa, S. Carolina, But Claims Surprising ‘Win’

“WELL, WE’VE JUST GOTTEN THE BEST POSSIBLE NEWS OF ALL. A RECOUNT SHOWS THAT I ACTUALLY ALSO LOST THE GOVERNORSHIP OF MASSACHUSETTS … SO ROMNEYCARE IS OUT, AND NOW I HAVE A REAL CHANCE WITH THE GOP BASE.”

January 21st, 2012

Professor Gingrich Provides Alibi to Marianne’s Charges

“THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS THAT IT HAD NOTHING WHATSOEVER TO DO WITH CALISTA, I WAS MERELY WITH GINGER ON A THREE HOUR TOUR.”


January 19th, 2012

The Part of Marianne Gingrich Interview That ABC Left on Cutting Room Floor

Marianne Gingrich ABC Nightline Interview

“NOT ONLY DID HE WANT AN OPEN MARRIAGE, BUT TO ADD INSULT TO INJURY, HE WANTED ME TO WORK AS A JANITOR … TO CLEAN UP THE MESS AFTERWARDS.”

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Lisa Casey with Newtering Megalomania. 

Mark Karlin at Buzzflash: SOPA and PIPA Are Stalking Horses for Silencing the Powerful Voice of Democracy.

Madkane’s Limerick Letter From George W. Bush To Rick Perry.

Recommended Reading links, at BartCopE!

January 17th, 2012

New Book About GOP Race: ‘Primary Coloreds’

“THAT’S RIGHT, MR. WILLIAMS, WE REPUBLICANS LACK ANY MORALS, COHERENT THOUGHTS OR NEW IDEAS, SO WE’RE JUST GONNA CONCENTRATE ON OUR PRIMARY MESSAGE FOR THE LAST 45 YEARS: RACE.”

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