“ACCORDING TO THE MINUTES OF THE LAST MEETING OF THE NATIONAL TRANSPORTATION SAFETY BOARD,  THE STRAW THAT REALLY BROKE THE HORSE’S BACK WERE THE INCREASING INCIDENTS, BELIEVE IT OR NOT …  OF AMISH TEENS TEXTING WHILE PLOWING.”

Story here,

“I believe this nation should commit itself, to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of landing poor inner city children on the moon, so that they can mine minerals, and return those minerals safely to the earth.”

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More on the GOP favorite with Top 10 Questions for the Newt, at BuzzFlash, and Lisa Casey with the closed-minded/open- mouthed Newtster.

And Madkane with Newt’s Pledge Limerick.

“AT A RECENT FAMILY HOLIDAY PARTY HE SAID THAT POOR GAY CHILDREN SHOULD MOP THE FLOORS … AT LAVISH BROADWAY MUSICALS.”

“HOPEFULLY, EVERYBODY WILL DROP OUT, AND I CAN JUST LISTEN TO MYSELF FOR TWO STRAIGHT HOURS.”

“I THINK THE BEST THING FOR THESE YOUNG FOLKS IS TO FEEL LIKE THEY HAVE A COZY PLACE TO LIVE, AS WELL AS TO LITERALLY KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO MOP A FLOOR.”

“JUST 15 MINUTES WITH NEWT AS PRESIDENT … COULD COST THIS COUNTRY 1500 YEARS OF CIVILIZATION.”

FORGET DONALD TRUMP’S REALITY SHOW — SEEMS LIKE THE GOP CONTEST IS COMING DOWN TO ONE CARTOON FREAK vs. ANOTHER.

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“I WOULD JUST IMPLEMENT MY FALLBACK PLAN: 69-69-69.”

“FRANKLY, I GOT A BIT TIRED WITH THE BRAINY TYPE WHO COULD MAKE A RADIO OUT OF A COCONUT, SO I DECIDED TO DATE A GUY WHO HAD THE IQ OF A COCONUT.”

“ACCORDING TO THE LATEST POLLS, A SUBSTANTIAL MAJORITY BELIEVES  THAT IF WE HAVE TO LIVE WITH A REPUBLICAN IDIOT AS PRESIDENT, LET’S AT LEAST ELECT ONE WHO CAN REDUCE THE NATIONAL DEBT BY CLEANING UP AT BLACKJACK.”