“OK, JUST TO PROVE I’VE BEEN HERE BEFORE, THERE’S JOHN BOEHNER, WHOSE BRAIN WAS FRIED BY FALLING ASLEEP IN A TANNING SALON. AND THERE’S ERIC CANTOR, WHO ALWAYS QUIT AND TOOK HIS BALL HOME AS EARLY AS AGE NINE. AND THAT WEIRD LOOKING DUDE GNAWING ON LETTUCE … THAT’S MITCH McCONNELL, WHO ONLY ENDED UP HERE BY CRAWLING OUT OF A SWAMP.”

Story here.