“FRANKLY, JUST LIKE ELAINE BENES, I ALWAYS HATED ‘THE ENGLISH PATIENT,’ BUT THIS IS ABOUT THE ONLY WAY TO RETURN TO MY SCORCHED EARTH POLICY.”

“ALMOST SIXTY-NINE OUT OF 100 AMERICANS SAY THAT THIS WILL GIVE POLITICIANS A SAFE OUTLET FOR THEIR RAGING HORMONES, AS WELL AS VASTLY IMPROVE THE QUALITY OF C-SPAN’S CURRENT PROGRAMMING.”

“IT’S TRUE, TO CATER TO MY BASE CONSTITUENCY, I’LL BE THROWING MY HAT IN THE RING FOR PRESIDENT…  OF THE EIGHTH GRADE CLASS OF MY OLD MIDDLE SCHOOL.”

“HE WAS RIDING TO WARN SAMUEL ADAMS THAT THE BRITISH WERE COMING TO CONFISCATE REAL AMERICAN BEER, AND REPLACE IT WITH CASES OF WARM NEWCASTLE BROWN ALE.”

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One Good Move with The Daily Show’s Driving Miss Crazy, and Lisa Casey on Sarah Palin and the whites of Mitt Romney’s eyes.

BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin: Why Does the Corporate Mainstream Media Shut Out Bernie Sanders?

BartCopE! on Paul Krugman’s Mistake of 2010, and other Recommended Reads.

“JUST IN CASE THE JURY DOESN’T BUY OUR STORY THAT BUNNY MELLON’S $725,000 WAS A CAMPAIGN CONTRIBUTION, WE INTEND TO SHOW THAT THE OLD LADY’S DONATION OF PLASTIC SLIPCOVERS WAS TO PREVENT THE DISCOVERY OF ANY OF JOHN EDWARDS’ SEMEN FROM HIS COUCH.”

“I MAKE NO ‘BONES’ ABOUT IT — I TWEETED MY WEINER TO MYSELF … SINCE THAT’S ABOUT THE ONLY WAY I CAN EVER SEE IT.”

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The latest revival of  ‘Hair’ – at All Hat No Cattle.