“WHY DOES THE LIBERAL MEDIA INSIST ON IDOLIZING  THOSE WHO MAINTAIN THEIR PRINCIPLES EVEN UNDER FIRE, WHEN THE CORPORATIONS HAVE FIGURED OUT THE GOAL IS TO DITCH ALL PRINCIPLES IN FAVOR OF FIRING EVERYONE IN SIGHT.“

“INSTEAD OF CAUCUSING IN LIVING ROOMS WITH COFFEE AND CAKE, MY SUPPORTERS CONGREGATE IN BUNKERS WITH SEMI-AUTOMATIC WEAPONS AND THOUSANDS OF ROUNDS OF AMMUNITION.”

“MY NEWT-EST LAW OF PHYSICS: IF YOU’RE A FLAMING ASSHOLE, YOU FALL TO THE GROUND  EVEN FASTER THAN AN APPLE FROM A TREE.”

“IF WE HAD JUST USED WHITE INK INSTEAD OF BLACK, NOBODY WOULD’VE EVEN NOTICED THESE RACIST RANTINGS.”

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The Bush legacy in Iraq, at All Hat No Cattle.

Recommended Reads, at BartCopE!

“NO VIRGINIA, THERE WON’T BE A GINGRICH ON YOUR ELECTION LIST THIS YEAR.”

Background here, and BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin on Newt Gingrich and Citizens United: It’s All About the Money.

“WELL, FOLKS, SINCE I OBVIOUSLY LACK THE DISCIPLINE AND WORK HABITS TO GET ON YOUR BALLOT, PERHAPS I SHOULD SPEND THE NEXT FOUR YEARS CLEANING TOILETS.”

“WE FEEL THAT ALL THIS COUNTRY REALLY NEEDS IS THE FIVE GOLDEN RINGS FOR THE TOP 1%, AND  MAYBE THOSE 6 ‘GEESE A LAYING’ WILL LEAVE SOME GOLDEN EGGS FOR OUR CAUCUS.  BUT THE 10 LORDS-A-LEAPING ARE JUST A LITTLE TOO GAY FOR OUR PARTY,  AND THE 12 DRUMMERS DRUMMING SOUND LIKE THOSE HIPPIE  WALL STREET OCCUPIERS.”

“ACCORDING TO THE LEAD EDITORIAL IN THE WALL STREET JOURNAL, JOHN BOEHNER IS NOT USING 99% OF HIS BRAIN, AND EVEN WORSE, 1% DESCRIBES THE SIZE OF HIS BALLS.”

Story here.

“NOT ONLY WILL THIS BOLSTER THE GREAT AMERICAN VIRTUE OF INDIVIDUAL LIBERTY, BUT IT WILL REALLY SOCK IT TO THE PRESIDENT WHEN THE ECONOMY TANKS … AS PEOPLE STOP WORKING TO HANG OUT IN DOORWAYS.”

“IT’S BEEN A REAL INSPIRATION FOR MY LATEST IDEA TO ENTIRELY REMAKE CIVILIZATION: START A NUCLEAR WAR THAT ONLY CALLISTA AND I SURVIVE IN THE PRESIDENTIAL BUNKER, AND THEN I CAN REPOPULATE THE WORLD, AS SOMETHING OF A CROSS BETWEEN ADAM AND THE SNAKE.”