“WE TOLD THE PRESIDENT THAT WE’RE IN NO MOOD TO COMPROMISE, SINCE EVEN BEES IN BROOKLYN ARE GOING RED FROM INGESTING THE SAME KIND OF DANGEROUS ‘DYE’ THAT WE PEDDLE ALL THE TIME.”

Story here.

Lisa Casey on the WMD Palin.

Mad Kane on Obama’s Premature Concession Syndrome.

“IT’S ALL TRUE! WHEN THE SAUDIS TELL US TO GO GIT-R-DONE AND BOMB I-RAN, BUT THAT IDIOT DUBYA  GOES AND INVADES I-RAQ,  IT’S TIME TO  LET EVERYBODY KNOW I’M PREPARED TO TAKE A REAL LEAK … AND A DUMP,  ON THE BOY KING AB-DULLER.”

“BILL, I THINK THIS ONE’S FOR YOU. NO, I DON’T KNOW WHO IT IS, BUT JUST TELL THEM YOUR FOUNDATION IS PREPARED TO MAKE A SUBSTANTIAL DONATION TO THEIR COUNTRY … IF THEY PROMISE NEVER TO CALL ME AGAIN.”

“AND AFTER THE WELFARE STATE OF PLYMOUTH COMPLETELY BROKE DOWN, AND WAS REDUCED TO A MERE COLONY, THINGS GOT SO BAD THAT THE PILGRIMS HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO TURN TO NAZI SOUP KITCHENS.”

Background at Crooks & Liars.

“WITH THE SURNAME ‘PARK’ SHARED BY ABOUT ONE-THIRD OF THE POPULATION IN BOTH SOUTH AND NORTH KOREA, CONFUSION OVER ASSIGNED ‘PARKING SPACES’ IN THE DMZ WAS BOUND TO LEAD TO A RENEWAL OF HOSTILITIES.”

“BY BRIBING THE PRISON WARDEN FOR AN ASSIGNMENT TO THE LAUNDRY ROOM, I’LL BE ABLE TO  CONTINUE DOING WHAT I DO BEST: PICKING POCKETS  TO ENRICH MYSELF WITH THE PREVAILING CURRENCY –  CIGARETTES AND  SHIVS.”

“FORGET SITTING DOWN TOGETHER, MR. BRADFORD. OUR TOP PRIORITY IS THAT YOU BECOME A ONE-TERM GOVERNOR OF PLYMOUTH COLONY.  BUT IN THE MEANTIME, WE WANT NO INFRASTRUCTURE SPENDING ON PATH CLEARING, PERMANENT TAX CREDITS FOR OUR CHIEFS WITH THE MOST ANIMAL SKINS, AND NO REGULATION OF CORN DERIVATIVES.”

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BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin on Right Wing Fake Outrage Against TSA, to Privatize Airport Security and Prevent Unionization.

Lisa Casey on the latest Palin-Couric battle.

Irish Prime Minister Brian Cowen

“IDEALLY, WE WERE  HOPING FOR EUROS, BUT THE INFUSION OF POTATOES WE RECEIVE CAN BE CUT UP INTO TATER TOTS AND SECURITIZED, HELPING US TO RE-IGNITE OUR ECONOMY WITH A POTATO BUBBLE.”

“JUST RELAX SIR, IN A MATTER OF MOMENTS, OUR REVIEWERS IN MUMBAI WILL EVEN BE ABLE TO TELL IF YOU HAVE GAS, THUS PROVING TOM FRIEDMAN’S AXIOM THAT THE WORLD IS FLATULENT.”

“WE NORMALLY WOULDN’T SUBSCRIBE TO THE PHILOSOPY OF A NEW YORK JEW, BUT WE DO BELIEVE THAT 90% OF LIFE IS JUST SHOWING UP BARACK OBAMA.”