“SINCE WE CAN’T COUNT ON GOVERNMENT TO POLICE CORPORATE CRIME, WE’RE GONNA’ TAKE MATTERS INTO OUR OWN HANDS … AND THROW BP’s OIL INTO THE SEA.“

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BuzzFlash Editor Mark Karlin on Treating BP Like People Who Commit Crimes.

BP's COO DOUG SUTTLES

“SINCE WE’VE NOW EXHAUSTED ALL OF OUR IDEAS, WE FIGURED WE’D JUST REVERT TO OUR CHILDHOOD IMAGINATION, AND HAVE THE CHINESE TUNNEL UP UNDER THE WELL FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD.”

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BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin on BP’s Long History of Wreaking Worldwide Havoc.

“IT’S REALLY VERY SIMPLE. SINCE THE AMNIOTIC FLUID ISN’T ENOUGH TO STOP THE UTERUS  CROSSINGS, WE HAVE TO BUILD AN ELECTRIFIED FENCE ALONG THE ENTIRE VAGINAL AREA.”

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The Rand story and video at HuffPost.

Lisa Casey on the Teabag Vision for the Future.

George Lakoff for BuzzFlash on Obama’s Missing Moral Narrative.

BartCopE!’s Weekly poll on TV Remakes/Mistakes.

“THIS WAS REALLY THE OPPOSITE OF LEWINSKY — HERE I TRIED TO MAKE SOMEONE WITH A REAL JOB INTO AN UNPAID INTERN.”

HALLIBURTON CEO DAVE LESAR

“FROM  OIL TO GUNS TO CEMENT TO MUD — WE PRIDE  OURSELVES ON OUR ABILITY TO DIVERSIFY … IN SCREWING UP THE PLANET.”

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BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin on a Top-Kill Approach to BP Executives.

The Natural Beauty That Was Once This Country, at One Good Move.

Mad Kane’s Panning Palin.

Heard of a RIG that is, loaded with weapons
packed TIGHT and ready to BLOW
Heard of some gravesites, on the GULF WATERS
a place where WILDLIFE DON’T FLOW
The sound of COAST GUARD, off in the distance
We’re getting used to it now
TURNED an ECOSYSTEM, into a ghetto
We’ve DRILLED all over this WORLD

This ain’t no MARDI GRAS, we are a RISK CO.
Cause we’re still fooling around
This IS our Mud club, We’re G.B. SEABEES
We  got MORE time for that now

Heard about NEW ORLEANS? Heard about MIAMI?
Heard about NINTH WARD IN La.?
You oughta know not to, stand by the BEACHFRONT
somebody might see you in OIL
I got some groceries, some peanut butter
to last a couple of days
But I ain’t got no TUNA
ain’t got no SALMON
ain’t got no SOLE to FILET

This ain’t no MARDI GRAS, we are a RISK CO.
Cause we’re still fooling around
This IS our Mud club, We’re G.B. SEABEES
We  got MORE time for that now

“WE’LL  SIMPLY LET OUR CUSTOMERS DO WHAT THEY ALWAYS DO: INHALE THE TOXIC FUMES WHILE THEY DECIDE WHEN TO CUT OFF THE FLOW, AND WHETHER THEY WANT TO CLEAN THINGS UP WITH THE SQUEEGEE.”

“I SIMPLY CAN’T BLOODY FIGURE OUT WHY THE PUBLIC IS SO ANGRY ABOUT OUR NEXT SOLUTION TO MOP UP THIS MESS.”

“IT’S SIMPLY TIME TO STRING UP CAPTAIN BLIGHT.“

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BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin on “crime and punishment” of the “economy wreckers.”

Lisa Casey with the latest Sarah Palin brain spill.

“WE’RE ALSO LIBERTARIANS, BUT WHEN RAND PAUL REFUSED TO SUPPORT FEDERAL LEGISLATION REQUIRING RAIN-PROOF TEABAGS, WE REALLY HAD TO RE-EVALUATE OUR OPTIONS.”

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More Rand-om Nonsense, as reported at All Hat No Cattle, and Huffington Post.

“TO  PARAPHRASE SIR WINSTON, ‘NEVER IN THE FIELD OF HUMAN CONFLICT CONJUGAL RELATIONS WAS  SO MUCH OWED BY SO  MANY FEW POLITICIANS TO SO FEW MANY VOTERS‘.”

“THIS MAY JUST BE THEIR FINEST SEVEN MINUTES.”