No, you Seinfeld fanatics — not that kind of  “contest!” I’m talking about the highly prestigious, dynamite, Nobel-like 1st Place prize in this year’s  HumorFeed contest for Best Satire of the Year. My winning entry: A Real War On Christmas: Outrage Grows Over Excessive Bonuses To Santa’s Elves.

My great thanks to the entire HumorFeed community, particularly E.F. Watley, who runs this august humor site, the judges and fellow contributors that made this possible, and all my loyal supporters and readers.

In addition to being Jewish, I guess I’m now really blackballed from Santa’s list.

“I look like J. Edgar Hoover, I have a face like a fist, and I’m essentially a malignant tumor.”

The Ailes-Arianna Huffington exchange at Firedoglake.

“WE’LL STILL GET OUR ASSES KICKED, BUT AT LEAST WE’LL GO HOME WITH A SOUVENIR WE CAN SELL ON EBAY.”

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Lisa Casey on another divide — between U.S. and Chinese Executives.

“NO, I DID NOT HONOR YOUR DEMAND THAT I BRING YOU POLAND SPRING WATER.”

“SINCE RE-READING THE PRECEDENT OF WINCHELL v. MAHONEY, I’VE BECOME MORE CONVINCED THAT STRICT CONSTRICTION OF THE THROAT IS  CONSTITUTIONALLY REQUIRED FOR ME TO CARRY OUT MY ORIGINAL INTENT TO DESTROY OUR DEMOCRACY.”

“I’LL TELL YA’ ONE THING — WHEN YOU SEE THIS GUY’S TAN, YOU CAN’T FORGET THAT HE’S A REDNECK.”

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Lisa Casey on the new ‘Scream.’

Mashups and other good stuff at BartCopE!

“NOW, MANY FOLKS WILL SAY I’M NOT AS MAD OR PASSIONATE AS FDR, BUT I OPERATE ON A ’3G NETWORK’ — GENTLE, GENEROUS AND GOOD-HUMORED.”

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Madkane’s got her iMad, with Ode To Barack Hussein Hoover.

Lisa Casey on the real State of the Union.

P.M. Carpenter at BuzzFlash on  Cornering the right; it’s about bloody time.

“THE PARALLELS TO WATERGATE ARE UNCANNY — ALL I CAN THINK OF RIGHT NOW IS DEEP THROAT.”

“EVERYDAY, IT’S BECOMING CLEARER TO ME THAT THE ONLY WAY TO GET THE MESSAGE OUT … IS TO HIT THE PEOPLE WITH A 4X4.”

In perhaps the ultimate sign that the burst of the real estate bubble has reached “historic” proportions, Tishman Speyer Properties and BlackRock Realty, the financially troubled owners of New York’s legendary Stuyvesant Town, said today that they’re turning the  massive apartment complex  back to the Indians, who originally sold it to the Dutch almost 400 years ago.

A major part of the problem was that the New York courts had refused to overturn the rent regulations that had been in effect since the 17th Century, which allowed occupants of three-bedroom duplexes with East River views to pay a monthly rent of only $24 in trinkets.

In addition, BlackRock’s plans to convert these rent-regulated apartments into luxury condos hit an even bigger rock, given the current plight of  middle-class families unable to afford even the  meal of corn enjoyed by the original tenants –  even during the Great Recession of  1659, which had been brought on by the collapse of toxic stockpiles of  “corn derivatives.”

The new owners indicated that the rental properties might now be turned into a giant gambling casino, which would be financed not by a traditional mortgage, but by securitized slot machines, backed by collateralized fruit.

On CNBC, Jim Cramer commented that he was “sitting bullish” about the deal, and that in addition to the gaming industry, he was optimistic that this deal would even be able to resuscitate “Running Bear Stearns.”