“YOU GO WITH THE STORY THAT DENIES THE TRUTH AND DEFLECTS ALL BLAME, NOT THE ONE THAT HAS YOU OWNING UP TO YOUR MISTAKES.”

Jim Vernon, USGA President

“IF THERE’S ONE THING THAT DISTINGUSHES GOLF AS THE ULTIMATE GENTLEMEN’S SPORT, WHERE HONOR AND INTEGRITY OVERRIDE ALL ELSE, IT’S THAT WE  REQUIRE EVERY MEMBER TO ACCURATELY RECORD THEIR NUMBER OF ‘SCORES’ … EVEN IF NO ONE SEES A ‘WOODS SHOT END UP IN THE BUSHES’.”

“PUT YOURSELF IN OUR POSITION. WE DON’T WANT TO RUIN OUR HARD-EARNED REPUTATION.”

“MAKE NO MISTAKE. OUR GOAL IS TO TRAIN AND MOTIVATE THE AFGHAN AFGHAN HOUNDS SO THAT THEY SNIFF OUT THE OPIUM POPPIES, INSTEAD OF SMOKING THEM. AND WITH ANY LUCK, WE’LL BE ABLE TO WITHDRAW OUR OWN AFGHAN HOUNDS WITHIN 49 DOG YEARS.”

“DUDE, IF ANYONE CLAIMS THEY SLEPT WITH ‘TIGER,’  COULD YOU JUST SUCK IT UP AND TAKE THE HIT FOR ME?”

“GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREAT!”

“I’M JUST PRAYING THAT NIKE COMES OUT WITH THEIR OWN CONDOM, SO I CAN STOP WEARING THIS GODDAMNED HAT WHILE I FUCK.”

“IT JUST SERVES TO SIGNAL WEAKNESS TO OUR ADVERSARIES, SUCH AS THE AFGHAN HOUND. AND NOW I UNDERSTAND THAT THIS GUY OBAMA, WHO DOESN’T HAVE ANY EXPERIENCE, IS EVEN BOWING TO HIS OWN DOG.”

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Buzz Flash’s Mark Karlin on the Failure of Military-Industrial Complex: Won WW II Against Two Advanced Military Powers in 4 Years But Can’t Defeat Taliban in 8!

“IF THERE’S ANYBODY WHO CAN RECTIFY THE EGREGIOUS MISTAKES OF THE BUSH-CHENEY ADMINISTRATION, AND ACTUALLY GET TO OSAMA BIN LADEN IN HIS HIDDEN CAVE, IT HAS TO BE MICHAELE SALAHI, WHO CAN CLAIM SHE’S MERELY ONE OF BIN LADEN‘S 49 REAL HOUSEWIVES.”

“SALAHI? A GOOD ARAB NAME, AND SHE BRINGS HER OWN CAMERA CREW. YES, SEND HER IN, MAYBE WE CAN GET OUR OWN REALITY SHOW.”

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Lisa Casey on the Real White House Party Crashers.

Jon Perr’s Perrspective: Michael Moore’s Afghanistan Letter Rewrites History of Obama Campaign.

“AS THE GREAT BASKETBALL COACH FAMOUSLY SAID, IF CUSTER HAD PLAYED A ’2-2-1 ZONE DEFENSE’ AT LITTLE BIG HORN, THE OUTCOME MIGHT HAVE BEEN A LOT DIFFERENT.”

‘

“MR PRESIDENT, MANY MOONS FROM NOW, I SEE A VERY DANGEROUS WOMAN, WHO SHALL BE KNOWN BY THE NAME OF ‘SITTING BULL‘.”

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Story of Palin’s egregious book gaffe, at HuffPost.

More ‘Doomsday’ many moons from now, at All Hat No Cattle.