“LITTLE DO THEY KNOW IT, BUT REPUBLICANS ACTUALLY HAVE THE VOTES TO LIMIT HEALTH INSURANCE TO BAD NECKS … AS A RESULT OF CAR ACCIDENTS OR CUNNILINGUS.”

[A summary of last nite's Curb here.]

“NOW, SOME OF MY COLLEAGUES ARE TAKING THE ‘BIRTHER’ APPROACH AND EMPHASIZING THAT MR. CAO WAS BORN IN VIETNAM. BUT I’D PREFER TO TAKE THE HIGH ROAD, AND JUST ASSERT THAT HE SANG SHOW TUNES IN ‘MISS SAIGON’.” 

“WE ALL KNOW THE CAO FAMILY’S INSPIRATIONAL STORY OF THEIR ESCAPE FROM THE VIETNAMESE COMMUNISTS , BUT WE REPUBLICANS HAVE TAKEN RE-EDUCATION CAMPS TO A WHOLE ‘NOTHER LEVEL.”

“IF THE INSURANCE COMPANIES CAN PROVE THEY’VE SOLD ABORTION RIDERS, THEN ABORTED COVERAGE IN CASES OF PREGNANCY, WE’LL THEN CONSIDER GOVERNMENT SUBSIDIES FOR FORCING A WOMAN TO HAVE THE CHILD THROUGH A PUBIC OPTION.”

“IT WASN’T EASY DIGGING UNDER THAT GODDAMN WALL, BUT WHEN YOU’RE AS EMBARRASSED AS I WAS, YOU LOOK FOR ANY HOLE AT ALL TO CRAWL INTO.”

Story and video of Markos’ diss of Tancredo, at Crooks & Liars.

“BOTH SIDES OF THE AISLE ARE IN AGREEMENT THAT ANYONE WHO BECOMES FAMOUS FOR A SOLO PERFORMANCE CAN CERTAINLY BE EXPECTED TO BE SELF-INSURED.”

Story here.

“THE PREAMBLE TO THE CONSTITUTION PROVIDES: ‘EVERY PERSON OF WEALTH AND MEANS HAS THE RIGHT TO SCREW PERSONS OF LESSER MEANS, IN THE PURSUIT OF THEIR OWN HAPPINESS’.”

“LET’S FACE IT, WITH ALL THESE DIM-WITS SPENDING MONEY ON CARFARE, HOTEL ACCOMODATIONS AND LET’S NOT FORGET TEABAGS, BY THE END OF THE FOURTH QUARTER, THIS COUNTRY IS POISED TO GROW LIKE A MALIGNANT TUMOR.”

“WHY CAN’T WE HAVE COMEDIANS LIKE WE DID IN THE OLD DAYS, LIKE BOB HOPE, WHO NEVER CRITICIZED CROOKS LIKE NIXON, AND SUPPORTED STUPID WARS LIKE VIETNAM.”

Video here.

“REPORTS INDICATE THAT UNLIKE JANET JACKSON’S FLASH OF BREAST, THIS SHOW FEATURED A SELF-ANOINTED EMPRESS … ENTIRELY WITHOUT CLOTHES.”