“IT’S APPARENT THAT IN THESE TROUBLED TIMES, A SEXUALLY-CHARGED BLOODSUCKER, HOWLING AT THE MOON IN THE TWILIGHT OF THE REPUBLICAN PARTY, IS BOUND TO ATTRACT A CULT-LIKE FOLLOWING.”

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As Lisa Casey points out, even the Army can’t stop Sarah the Vampire Player.

“WE INTERRUPT THIS DEBATE IN ORDER TO ADMINISTER LIFE-SAVING CPR TO OUR VIEWERS.”

“IF THE HEALTH PLAN OF THE DEMOCRAT PARTY PASSES, THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT WILL THEN BECOME BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR BLOODLETTING LEECHES.”

“WE’RE PREPARED TO ERECT LEVEES AROUND SENATOR LANDRIEU TO PROTECT HER FROM RIGHT-WING ATTACKS, AND TO ACTUALLY MAKE A GENDER CHANGE TO THE LINCOLN MEMORIAL TO PLACATE THE SENATOR FROM ARKANSAS.”

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BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin on the “Greatest” healthcare system’s need to “erect”  more nurses.

“EVERY TIME I BOW DOWN TO THE CHENEY — THAT’S PRONOUNCED ‘CHEEEEENY‘ — RIGHT WING NEOCONS, I SEEM TO GET VERTIGO WITH A COMPLETE LOSS OF BALANCE AND A CASE OF THE CHILLS.”

Actual Video here:

“IT’S SOMETHING OF A CROSS BETWEEN ‘THE GREAT BRATSBY’ AND FOR ‘WHOM THE HELL TOLLS’ … AND WE EXPECT THAT IT WILL BE CLASSIFIED BY THE LIBRARY OF CONGRESS AS ‘FRICTION’.”

“EVEN IF THE ‘CLOWN GENE’ DOESN’T GET PASSED ON, THE CLOWN INDOCTRINATION ALWAYS SEEMS TO DO THE TRICK.”

Story and video at Crooks & Liars.

WHAT IS BLACK AND WHITE AND ‘READ‘ ALL OVER?

“A BLOODY ALASKAN WOLF, AFTER I’VE SHOT IT FROM A HELICOPTER.”

“JON STEWART, YOU MADE A LOT OF PROMISES OVER THE YEARS, BUT WHEN IT COMES TO LETTING ME ‘HELP’ YOUNG BOYS TO APPRECIATE THE ‘FLAGPOLE,’ I’M GONNA’ TEACH YOU A LESSON.”

“WHEN YOU HAVE A SUCH A GIANT MAN-BOOB WITH GIANT MAN-BOOBS, THE BEST TREATMENT IS A DAILY DOSE OF RADIATION TO TRY TO SLOW DOWN THE MALIGNANT GROWTH.”