“I TOLD YA’, IF TIGER HAD REMAINED FAITHFUL TO HIS ‘ HOLE IN ONE,’ HE COULD HAVE STAYED ON THE DRIVEWAY, OFF THE GREEN AND AVOIDED THE HAZARD OF THE CLUB FACE.”

“THERE HAS TO BE A MIDDLE GROUND BETWEEN WHITE COPS WHO ARE STUPIDLY SEEKING GOLF TIPS, AND THE WORLD’S BEST GOLFER WHO IS MERELY GUILTY OF DRIVING WHILE BLACKED-OUT.”

“THIS LEGISLATION REALLY HAS SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE. EVERY U.S. CITIZEN GETS DRAFTED INTO THE ARMED FORCES AND SENT TO AFGHANISTAN, THUS PROVIDING BOTH UNIVERSAL EMPLOYMENT AND UNIVERSAL SINGLE-PAYER HEALTH INSURANCE FOR ALL.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin on the NRA Enabling the Terrorism of Gun Deaths.

Madkane’s Testy Republicans.

Dan Kurtzman’s 30 Funniest Videos of the Decade.

“NOW, THE REAL BEAUTY OF THIS STAMP, IS THAT IT ACTUALLY TURNS INTO A FOOD STAMP.”

Story at NY Times.

“IT’S PRETTY WELL-ESTABLISHED THAT CAPTURING BIN LADEN WOULD HAVE DISTRACTED US FROM DISTRACTING THE AMERICAN PEOPLE.”

“I WAS MISLED INTO BELIEVING THAT THERE’D BE A PRIZE TURKEY WAITING FOR ME AT THE FINISH LINE, STUFFED WITH FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS.”

Story at HuffPost.

Lisa Casey with a rebirth of the birthers.

“IF THE GOLF GLOVES DON’T FIT, YOU MUST ACQUIT.”

“WE JUST HAD TO BE PART OF TIGER’S EXCITING NEW REALITY SHOW: ‘SWAP ICONIC GOD-LIKE STATUS FOR GETTING CLUBBED BY YOUR WIFE‘.”

“DON’T BE PLEASED TO MEET THEM, CAN’T YOU GUESS THEIR NAME.”

“SHE COMPLETELY IGNORED MY EXPRESS INSTRUCTIONS, THAT IF MY DRIVING EVER PUT ME OFF THE DRIVEWAY AND INTO THE WOODS,  SHE SHOULD LEAVE MY IRONS ALONE AND JUST WEDGE ME OUT BY GRABBING MY PUTTER.”