“WELL, IF YOU BACK THE DEMOCRAT PARTY TAKEOVER OF HEALTH CARE, WITCHES AND GOBLINS WILL COME BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR DOCTOR, AND YOUR HALLOWEEN CANDY WILL BE RATIONED TO ONE MINI-MILKY WAY BAR.”

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“You really got in the Cheneys’ ass Larry! You immediately got in that ass. You opened that asshole up and you pulled that asshole open, stepped inside, and spray painted ‘Larry Was Here.’  Fuck their whole assholes up. You ate snicker bars, threw the wrapper on the ground. Then stepped out on their ass – and you left that asshole wide open so those motherfuckers knew you been there.”

Kudos to “Larry” — Here’s the video:

Despite his campaign statements to his progressive base that unlike Iraq, the war against FOX News is not a war of choice, President Obama is now considering a wide array of options against an enemy that poses an equal, if not greater threat, to the United States than the Taliban.

Huddled in his situation room with his chief advisers, the president is trying to wade through a welter of conflicting advice as to whether to up the ante against Mullah Murdoch and his minions, or to scale back the fight to occasional drone attacks against the droning right-wingers.

The hawkish Hillary Clinton, sources say, advises sending at least 40,000 troops to the FOX studios, while Vice President Joe Biden is advocating a partition plan, that would separate FOX into separate divisions of news, opinion, and the psychiatric ward.

Some respected columnists, such as Nicholas Kristof of The New York Times, have urged a renewed emphasis on building schools at FOX, but Obama’s national security team appears to agree that such an effort would be futile, and would be more useful in a more advanced feudal setting such as Afghanistan.

There is also concern that enhanced efforts to defeat FOX News are complicated by the rampant drug trade, since there is strong suspicion that such FOX anchors as Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity and Glenn Beck are being supplied with hallucinogens by Rush Limbaugh.

Even many liberals are skeptical that the war against FOX can be “won,” given the historical lack of any respect for democratic institutions or a culture of civility at the network, which continues to “Ailes” the country more than the swine flu.

The recent six-part Monty Python Reunion show, featured on the Independent Film Channel, has created a resurgent wave to find the Holy Grail among a new generation of Christian evangelicals in America.

Although these born-agains had not even heard of the artsy IFC, and wouldn’t have watched it anyway, they claim that the Python reunion series appeared to them in their morning toast — on a day that Jesus just happened to be on sabbatical.

This renewed crusade is particularly important to these Christians in light of their belief that Barack Obama is the modern day equivalent of the Black Knight, who refuses to quit his evil ways, even after being repeatedly cut down by the FOX News channel.

Although they are tracing the steps of the Pythonites in their search for the Holy Grail, these 21st Century Crusaders have decided to make some minor modifications, such as replacing the Trojan Rabbit with a Trojan Easter Bunny.

However, in a shocking setback to the quest of these evangelicals, the skies opened up to reveal not God, but a vision of the deceased Graham Chapman, who not only confirmed that he is gay, but that Heaven endorses same-sex marriages between angels.

“C’MON MOSES, LET’S LEAVE THE POOREST AND UNINSURED ISRAELITES BEHIND TO DEAL WITH THE TEN PLAGUES, WHILE WE RIDE OUT ACROSS THE DESERT ON OUR PRIVATE CAMELS.”

“HAVE THINGS REACHED A POINT WHERE A MAN CAN’T EVEN SIT DOWN IN THE BAZAAR WITH ELAINE BENES, AND ENJOY A SHMEAR OF LOW-FAT CREAM CHEESE ON A POPPY SEED BAGEL.”

“SO REMEMBER, IF YOU’RE LUCKY ENOUGH TO BE BORN INTO A FAMILY WITH MONEY, FAME AND POLITICAL CONNECTIONS, YOU TOO, WITHOUT EVEN BREAKING A SWEAT, CAN COMPLETELY FUCK UP THE WORLD.”

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BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin is motivated to warn: The Public Option Could Easily Unravel Yet.

Norm Jenson with The Daily Show on the real motivations of the Catholic Church courting of Anglican priests.

Lisa Casey on the man who breaks the mold on moldy.

Jon Perr:  Study Claims U.S. Health Care System Wastes $700 Billion Annually.

“KEITH, THE IDEA IS  TO CAP THE GOP’S TOXIC EMISSIONS BY TRADING THEM TO A THIRD WORLD DICTATORSHIP, WHERE THEY CAN REALLY FIT IN WITH THE OVERALL TEAM PHILOSOPHY.” 

“THIS MARTIN LUTHER GUY, WHO FANCIED HIMSELF SOME SORT OF BLACK KING, WAS ACTUALLY PUSHING A PLAN TO RADICALLY REDISTRIBUTE INDULGENCES TO THE POOREST 95% OF THE POPULATION.”  

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The Village Voice on the story, and Lisa Casey on the flawed Cheney Thesis.

“YOU SIMPLY SPRAY IT IN YOUR EARS TO PREVENT THE INVASION OF THE  FOX NEWS VIRUS CALLED H2N2 … HYSTERICAL NEWS SQUARED.”