“MR. PRESIDENT, DO YOU THINK THE NFL AND PHILADELPHIA EAGLES ‘ACTED STUPIDLY’ IN LETTING MICHAEL VICK BACK INTO THE LEAGUE?”

Sung to the tune of Woodstock:

Well, I came upon a child of Rush
He was driving his pick-up down the road
And I asked him, Tell me, where are you going?
This he told me

We’re unjust, we’re beholden,
We have no intent on foldin’,
And we got to just disrupt, Senator Cardin

“WE WANT OUR COUNTRY, AND OUR CONSTITUTION, BACK THE WAY THE FOUNDING FATHERS INTENDED! … SO GET RID OF ALL THE ANESTHESIA AND MODERN DENTISTRY, AND RETURN TO WOODEN TEETH AND BLOODLETTING.”

WHAT WOULD YOU DO, IF I SOLD MY PLAN OUT OF TUNE,
WOULD YOU GET UP AND WALK OUT ON ME?
LEND ME YOUR FEARS, ABOUT BEING SCREWED BY INSURANCE COMPANIES
AND I’LL TRY NOT TO HEAR THE GOP

TOGETHER, WE’LL GET BY, WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS

“NOW I’LL BE DAMNED IF I’M GONNA’ PUT MY LEGS IN THE STIRRUPS FOR AN ALIEN OB/GYN FROM SOME PRE-EXISTING CIVILIZATION.”

“WE OFFERED TO AMEND THE HEALTH BILL TO PROVIDE THEM ADVICE ON ‘EXTRAORDINARY POLITICAL LIFE SUPPORT’ … BUT THE DUMB BASTARDS INSISTED ON ‘DO NOT RESUSCITATE’.”

“A SPOKESMAN FOR THE SPANISH BULLFIGHTING LEAGUE SAID, AND I QUOTE: ‘WE’RE VERY PROUD TO SIGN MR. VICK, WHO WE FEEL CAN BEST USE HIS MOBILITY AND INSTINCTS TO THRIVE IN OUR SPORT’.”

“IT’S BAD ENOUGH THEY WANT TO END MY LIFE, BUT ALSO FORCE ME TO COME BACK AS A BLACK BUDDHIST DEMOCRAT.”

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BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin on A Tale of Two Nations: the Civil War may have been won by the North, but the South never emotionally conceded.

“IF YOU HAVE A PRE-EXISTING CONDITION OF IGNORANCE OR INSANITY, YOU’LL BE DENIED ACCESS TO THE TOWN HALL. IF YOU DO QUALIFY, YOU’LL BE SUBJECT TO HEFTY CO-PAYS. AND IF YOU START TO ACT ’SICK’ AFTER BEING ADMITTED, YOU’LL IMMEDIATELY BE KICKED OUT.”

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More on Healthscare:

Grandma in the crosshairs? How about those Democrats?– by P.M. Cartpenter at BuzzFlash.

Dan Kurtzman’s Healthcare Humor Roundup.

The Daily Show’s Healther Skelter at One Good Move.

“GEORGE, THAT’S PRECISELY WHY WE NEED A WHOLE NEW CATEGORY: ‘THOSE WHO HAVE STARVED TO DEATH‘.”